ik oankar satgurprasad||
satnaam sada satnaam ji
mera satguru poora.

With Guru ji’s kindness, we typed up all our old diaries. Here are some extracts from 1994 when after 6 yrs of being initiated ("amrit-dharee"), God answered our desparate prayers for meeting a Sant to guide me. I hope you can all learn from this and it will show you the real Sikhi, the kind you will never find taught by gianis, preachers and teachers. But this is the pure Sikh of Guru-chela that Guru Granth Sahib ji teaches us.

Prior to meeting Gurmukh ji (my sant guru) I had had 6 years since taking Sikh initiation of struggling with hardly any spiritual progression, but within months of meeting him so many things started happeing. That is the greatness of coming under the guidance and blessigs of the sant guru. The Shabad Guru – Guru Granth Sahib ji teaches us we need a Sant Guru …bhaag hoaa gur sant milaayaa….by great good fortune we meet the Sant Guru.  This is the blessed game (gurprasadi khel) of Guru-disciple that bhai lehna ji  played with Guru Nanak ji, that all the Guru jis and Bhagats and Sants have played.

dust of your feet
Preeto 2009.



SERVING MY SANT (Gurmukh Ji) 1994

19 Apr 94

My prayers have been answered and God has sent me a Sant through who He Himself is guiding me now. Three days ago went to Asa-Dee-Var and found Gurmukh ji sitting in the sangat. And I had seen him six months earlier in the langar hall with a halo of light around his head. So I knew he was special. And my biggest problem is lust. So Sohila the evening prayer says that Anger and Lust are completely destroyed on meeting a saint.


Kaam krodh nagar bahu paaria,
mil sadhoo khandal khanda heh


So I sat near to him hoping his purity would wash my lust away. After the kirtan I ran to the langar hall and hoped he would come to eat so I could serve the saint. I was wearing blue uniform and he said, “Just by looking like a good Sikh doesn’t make you close to God.” And I was going to argue about how great the Guru’s uniform was, but realised that Guru Nanak was speaking through him, so shut up and just listened. Also for the last few months had been imagining everyone in the Gurdwara was Guru Nanak Dev ji. And now finally in Gurmukh ji , the light of God and Guru truly did shine through.

Gurmukh ji said, “Kaka Ji (dear child)”. And I looked around for a child and realised he was calling. “Kaka Jee, do your simran while you are eating. Each mouthful is “giraas”.  Remember Naam simran "saas-giraas"  Meaning “with each breath and mouthful of food.”

“Kaka ji,” and I went over to eat langar with Gurmukh ji – the beautiful bride of God (Sundar Naree). His face was shining brightly (Mukh Ujalay).   He had reddish cheeks (Laalgee) and I could feel the presence of God and Great Guru Nanak Dev Ji inside him. As Professor Puran Singh ji once wrote that the Sikhs don’t sculpt models of the great Gurus and worship them like
idols. No Sikhs use the Gurbani to carve themselves into the image of the Guru.

“Kaka ji, kill your ego. Just because you come at Amritvela into sangat don’t get proud of it. The Guru brought you here. Let go of this ‘Me’ and ‘Mine’ way of thinking. Grab hold of your mind. Take control. Tell it firmly “now you only do what the Guru tells you to do. Do good things. Don’t even go near bad thought. And even while you sleep you will remember Naam.”

I was wondering, “How did he know my ego was not letting me meditate properly? How did he know about the disgusting perverted dream I had? How embarrassing!”

“Kaka Ji, we sit near each other in the sangat, but a filthy plate doesn’t become clean just by placing it next to a pure one. Although I am a filthy plate myself (utmost humilty!!). No you don’t become pure and feel the Guru’s love and meet your beloved just by sitting in sangat. You have to act on what you’re told. You have to do simran outside in your normal life as well.”

“Kaka ji, sit with Guru jee and sweetly say ‘Dear Guru ji, I am nothing, a mere worm full of sins. Be graceful and bless me with your love and meet me.”

With that my heart melted. My ego was stunned into silence and my ardas to Guru Ji was answered. I had asked Guru ji to save me from sinking back into the person I was. And Gurmukh ji, the beautful bride, gave me the answer. Thankyou dear Guru ji.

“Kaka ji, don’t read religious books and get into intellectual conversations about Gurbani or anything else. No, if you truly want to meet your Maker forsake all other knowldege and say, “Dear Guru ji, I sacrifice all other knowledge. It doesn’t hold any attraction. Only bless
me with Your knoweldge and bless me with Your sacred vision.’”

I bid farewell in a depressed voice. My ego was in shock. Gurmukh ji said the Guru’s Fateh sweetly with love. And I said it again sweetly.

Now I have declared war on ego. I’ll beat it with Guru’s grace to the mantra of “Satnaam Waheguru”. And everytime my ego wanders to other thoughts I’ll bring it back by reminding it that I AM NOTHING.

21 Apr 94

Gurmukh ji sees right through me. Everyone else praises me for being Aamrit-dharee and dressing in bana uniform. But, only he tells me the Truth, which seems harsh but I love him for it. The day before I met him I was getting so much ego from having an inspired spiritual last few weeks. Thoughts like “I’ll be a big Sant. I’ll be healing people. I’ll tell people about meeting God.”

Gurmukh ji told me to always confess to Guru ji about the low state of my mind and ask politely for blessings. The next day he told me to do naam simran all the time, every where and to start again as soon as I realised  I had been distracted. On the third day he told me to be a Gurmukh on the inside “ humbleness and love was the key to God’s court. Today he told me to do naam simran inside my mind “ not chanting out loud (guess that stage is over). He knew I was doing loud chanting while serving langar only superficially to impress him. It was for show rather than sincere. But, still I replied to him that by doing it loud I was encouraging others to do naam simran too


Aap japo avraa naam japaavo.
Repeat the Naam and inspire others to do so too.” ..Sukhmani.


To which he replied, “Are you a Master that you can teach naam simran?”

I am nothing at all, but when I speak there is no humbleness at all or love, only ego. 

Yesterday tried to do naam simran all day at every moment.  And everytime I forgot I remembered Farid Ji’s verse “All your life you walk above the grass, at the end you lie under it.” That’s all that is in store for me if ego has its way.

Today just kept my mind at Guru ji’s feet


kar dandauth pun vada ha
Do prostrations at the holy feet, it’s a virtuous deed.  Guru Ram Das Ji.


And kept doing naam simran and beging for forgiveness. “Dear Guru Ji, I don’t want the Light. All I want is to be at Your Lotus feet and ego to be controlled. Everyone else is with You but I am left behind. Harjit try your hardest.”

I keept thinking of the story of Bhai Manj Ji and he served Guru Arjun Dev Ji mind, body and soul. I just want to serve like that and rather break this body and its ego, than die of old age and laziness.

It’s all by the Guru’s grace. I am nothing.

26 Apr 94

After seva at Gurdwara listened to Akhand Paat and the message “become the dust of all” kept ringing in my ears. And everytime I got ego, I just imagined myself being stepped on by the sangat.

Kept doing ardas “Don’t want Kingdoms, Don’t want salvation, Only want the love of your Lotus feet.” Lost my frustration at not feeling the light everytime I meditate.

Then today in sangat, imagined that Guru ji was pouring divine blessings on the soul-flowers of the sangat. And I was a piece of dirt under them that was getting watered too. My soul was flowering like a yellow petalled flower bursting with energy, absorbing the sunlight.

Mum did ardas at home for me to get married and the reading from SGGS came that the
time and place of the marriage is already written. Dad was happy thinking a wife is around the corner. To me it meant marriage to God is around the corner.

6 May 94

Guru Ji has taught me an incredible amount. Now when I repeat “Ik Oankar Satnaam” I feel I am addressing God by Name and when I feel He is infront of me, then I bow to him by saying “Waheguru”. Then I say “Karta Purakh” and bow to Him by saying Waheguru”and so on for rest of Mool Mantra.

My focus has gone from the Mool Mantra written word in the Guru Granth Sahib Ji to the awareness that God is right here right now when I say “Ik Oankar SatNaam”.

Met Gurmukh Ji again and he gave me some more advice. I asked him if he was always in Chad-di-kala (highest spiritual bliss). He replied, “Only the Creator knows. How does the person renting the body know anything about the state of it as he doesn’t understand its structure.”

He also said, “It’s ego to say I did this paat (reading of a prayer), or I came to the Gurdwara,
or I did Asa-dee-Var kirtan. Man can’t do anything.” The reading from SGGS also said “God is the Master and the servant, the mortal (ego “ sense of self) is most insignificant.”

And finally he sweetly told me, “Don’t preach what your haven’t practised.”

9 May 94

At the Gurdwara I felt I was puffed up with ego, so I sat there and mentally I could see the door to SatNaam Waheguru close. The blissful brides sat inside and I was pushed out because I was so full of ego. I sat outside the door and blackened my face with the dust of the saints feet. Just like
Makkhan Shah blackened his face (as he was going against Guru’s hukam) and announced “I have found the Guru, I have found the Guru.’ And with a blackened face, lying face down doing dandauth, I begged to be let back in.

I had nowhere else to go. Guru ji wsa great and he hugged me to His chest.

Since I felt the awesome, heart wrenching power of the bani “Poota Mata Kee Aseess’ a few weeks ago, I feel I have been carried like a leaf in a storm “ the Guru ji is rapidly taking me away from my old self. Guru is great.


10 May 94

Gurmukh ji said when arriving at the Gurdwara get the charan dhoor (foot dust) from the entrance and wipe it on your brow. Then put both palms together and humbly say to God , “Baba Ji I have come to meet You and no-one else.”

Gurmukh ji also said, “Listen to the shabad and what Guru ji is telling you to do and do it. Most people waste 50-60 years of coming to Gurdwara and not paying attention.”

Then Gurmukh ji added, “A Gursikh doesn’t speak too much, he spends his time doing naam simran.”

We were getting our langar. The Bibi ji poured one ladle full of rice pudding into Gurmukh ji’s plate. She was about to pour another saying “Have another one.”


Gurmukh ji replied to her, “If Waheguru put even one ladle of blessings into you you’d never be hungry again. But we just compalin and say ‘I haven’t been blessed and add its all in Waheguru’s hands,  so what can I do?.   But Waheguru jee tells us to clean our mind plate. To remove
all slander and gossip. Then Waheguru can pour Naam in there. But we don’t clean it up. We should only do the things that will make Guru Nanak Dev Jee greet us with open arms.”

The kirtan group at the Gurdwara always praise a fool like me. They’re the beautiful ones singing God’s praises. I’m the one with feeling like I’ve got messed up hair, running wild, begging outside God’s door to be let in. I go to serve them, take milk and bananas and listen to their sweet singing of Gurbani. Then hold Gurbani to my chest, even if its only one phrase that I understand. I
hug it to my chest and cherish it because it’s the greatest gift from God more precious than diamonds.

12 May 94

I feel as Guru Amar Das Ji has appeared and His mere presence has sent lust running for the hills.

I am nothing, You are everything.

13 May 94

Could feel Guru Ram Das Jee’s prescence in Asa-Dee-Var this morning. His almighty hand bestowing blessings on the sangat and the singer’s voice was full of love.

Gurmukh ji asked me, “What did you find while cutting the onions?”


I replied, “I found nothing. I was just doing naam simran.”


He said, “We say Waheguru is everywhere, so we should try and find Him in everything.”

Thanks Gurmukh ji, I was looking inside desparately for God, when infact everything is Waheguru. The whole world has taken on a new wonder “ even ironing my shirt!

Kill your SELF, not your body. Use the knife of your tongue to repeat the Naam to cut the bonds to the 5 thieves and the noose of Death.


2 Jun 94

Sat Kartar ! Sat Kartar !  (Truth Creator! – Guru Nanak Dev Ji used to greet people like this.)

Last weekend was my test. Car broke down, so I walked for an hour to get the Gurdwara. Just so I wouldn’t miss doing simran and seva of the sangat. Gurbani says that even if it snows or rains, the Gursikh still goes to meet his Guru. Did simran all the way . I turned the corner into Havelock Road and saw the Nishan Sahib (Sikh Flag)  against the early morning sky. It was a magnificent feeling “Darshan Nihal, Nihal Nihal!”

Went home to Luton at the weekend. Was criticised by everyone for looking underfed and really tired. Am eating loads of food and sleeping longer this week.

Last few days have missed doing amritvela simran, but do ardas to Guru Tegh Bahadur ji, “Please hear my ardas like you heard the ardas of the Kashmiree Pandits. Guru jee you are wonderful and great. I am a fool who has never pronounced Gurbani correctly and makes millions of mistakes. But you still bless me and bring me to sangat and give me your blessings. Guru ji, I
don’t know how to pray. All I do is simran and you take of the rest please. I want to be with you dear Father of the World, please show me how.”

23 July 94

Since meeting Gurmukh Ji and getting his blessings, the feeling I have when reciting the Mool Mantra is of a great Supreme Power driving the Creation. A power so awesome that it is frightening that in a twinkle of an eye the Creation can be destroyed and recreated and that
I am absolutely nothing in comparison. I bow to such a Great Power at the root of Creation from which everything we see has sprung forth.

To such a Being I say


“Gian Dhian kich karam na jana sar na janaa teree,
Sabh te vadaa satgur, nanak jin ka rakhee meree”
I don’t have any divine knowledge,
nor do I know how to meditate.
I don’t have any idea of Your extent
nor do I know about doing good actions.
Nanak : All I know is that the SatGuru is the greatest,
for He has sheltered me in this Dark Age.”

But how can a fool and sinner like me meet the Satguru? I pray with the words of Gurbani, “Give me the sangat of the Guru, so that a fool and sinner can be ferried across.


“Gurdev sangat prabh meyl kar kirpa,
Hum moor papee jit lag tara. SGGS 262.

The SatGuru is so great that it is actually God inside the Guru and I forever bow to Him.


Gurdev satgur parbrahm parmesar. Gurdev Nanak Har Namaskara.
The Guru-God SatGuru is the All Pervading Supreme Transcendent Lord and Master.
Nanak : I bow to the Guru-God.” SGGS 262.


How can I pay you back Satguru ji ? My body, soul and wealth are Yours.  Infact, they always belonged to You, it was just my ego saying they were mine.

All I ask for is the gift of your Naam, SatGuru ji.

Visar Nahee Datar, apanaa naam deho.
Gun gava din raat, Nanak chao eho.
Forget me not O Great Giver, and give me Your Naam.
May I sing your praises day and night, this is Nanak’s desire.

28 Sep 94

Came back from spending 3 weeks in India. This time sister Susan and Mum went too to Hazoor Sahib. Loved chanting “Satnaam Waheguru” for two hours in the morning and evening at Gurdwara Langar Sahib run by Sant Sheesha Singh ji. It was an awesome feeling.


To me saying “Satnaam Waheguru” was saying, “O Great God Of Truth (SatNaam), you are wonderful (Wahe Guru).”

SatNaam Waheguru it is all Your victory and I raise my sword to salute You. Wherever I look You are victorious. Everything is You. Your Fateh is forever.

Also battling with lust was so much easier in India in sangat for three weeks even though sometimes I was overcome with very strong lustful thoughts.

Mum was blessed with sacred visions (darshan) as she sat with the women and went into smadhi whilst the men were walking aorund a pillar and chanting “Satnaam waheguru”.   In her smadhi she was blessed by Guru Gobind Singh ji, Kabir Ji and Guru Nanak Dev Ji.

We went to Gurdwara Nanak Jheera. This was the place where Guru Nanak Dev Ji started singing and two local saints fell at his lotus feet. They said that their biggest problem was that the local water was salty. Guru ji was kind and kicked a rock away and a fountain of normal water started. Around that the Gurdwara has been built. I encouraged Susan to just do loads of naam
simran for the two day train journey from Punjab and we would see if anything happened to her this time. When we got their Susan splashed the water on her face and saw flashes of God’s Light inside. She did it again and got another flash of light. Later when we went to sleep at the
Gurdwara in the hills, she kept asking us “Are they doing kirtan in the Gurdwara?” I said, “No, there’s nothing going on.” She replied, “I can hear kirtan”.


It was actually the Anhad Vajay – God’s unstruck melody – the music in nature that is heard
by the saints when God is nearby. Susan’s inner doors had been opened to the light and sound
of God.


9 Nov 94

It’s nearly 1995 – my last chance to meet SatNaam Waheguru. I need to go for it once and for all like I did in April and met Gurmukh ji.

Checklist of things to do :

– Eat good food, don’t miss meals.

– Exercise.

– Ask mum and dad to keep an eye on me incase I start doing crazy things like not sleeping or eating enough and forcing myself (couple of people I know forced themselves to extremes and got burnt out mentally.)

– Relax and enjoy my simran. Listen to my body and don’t do anything that starts making me tense. Remember “Sehaj” ..balanced approach to God is better -sehaj milay miia parvaan.

– When listening to kirtan try and listen to each word inside. Rather than always trying to sing along with “Waheguru Waheguru” as that causes tension sometimes.

– Go to Gurdwara every day, even though Gurmukh ji has said go twice a day.

– Don’t worry about doing Sukhmani Sahib on top of nitnem “its too much to fit all that in.

– Don’t feel guilty about being unable to stop my lustful thoughts. I am a sinner and will just have to keep asking for forgiveness.


“Waho Waho sachay ma teree tek.
Hau papeee thoo nirmal ek.
Wondrous Wondrous True One I seek Your refuge.
I am a sinner, You are the Perfect One…..Guru Nanak Dev Ji.

4 Jan 95

I have nothing left to write in this diary. This diary used to be my best friend, someone to tell my problems, someone who listened without judging me. But now SatGuru ji is my best friend. He listens to me and answers me through Gurmukh ji and Gurbani.

Gurmukh ji said to me, “When you get blessed with Naam then you’ve won the National lottery.  No! Better than that, you’ve won the Worldwide Lottery.”

I have been blessed Gurmukh ji’s sangat everyday now as he has moved to Hounslow near me and we go to Gurdwara together. Its my great good fortune to do seva of God’s saint. I am a fool and sinner with no discipline or knowledge of spirituality. But by serving Gurmukh ji its given me a focus.

Satguru ji has said to me “Harjit you keep doing ardas to be hugged close to the chest of your husband (God). So to prepare you for this you must do this seva long and patiently.”

Its forcing me to get up every day at amritvela because I know Gurmukh ji is waiting for me. But last week I was in Luton for the holidays. But, even then I didn’t miss a day and drove to Hounslow (1 hr away) every morning at 4am to collect him. I would have drowned in maya without the sangat and simran. On the face of it it looks like I am serving Gurmukh ji. But
actually Gurmukh ji is the one who is serving me by getting me ready to be a bride of God.

Fareed Ji says in Gurbani that the bridge over hell is finer than a hair over the raging fires below. SatGuru ji has made me realise that those raging fires, are the fires of desire within my mind. The desire to get married and to start a business. Took a reading from SGGS Ji and was told that God runs a business in every heart. The capital is the Naam so trade on that and earn the true profits.

Last Monday I was full of anger energy and couldn’t concentrate on simran and found it difficult to sit in the sangat. I was burning in the fire of desire for marriage , “Who shall I marry? When will I be married?”

Satguru ji poured the cold water by saying “Fearlessly meditate on Naam and FORGET all other things. There is only the One God to think about at all times.”

Then I thought Guru Gobind singh ji give me a sword like you gave Banda Singh Bahadur ji. With that sword I will cut down caste crap and religious superstitions people believe in. But SatGuru ji replied, “If you want to be fearless then fearlesly meditate on the One Naam.”

Gurmukh ji said to me, “When a person knows how to ask and how to sit, then they will cross the mind ocean.”

1) How To Ask?

Before sitting and starting naam simran one must ask SatGuru ji for his blessing as follows:


“Satguru ji, I have heard that Your court is the highest. I am a dog of your court. I am greedy, lustful, a liar who gossips and slanders. I am a pile of ego rubbish that has blown into this pure place. I am a lowly ant in manure that has come to Your court. Even though I am all these things I am still Yours and of Your court only. I have no other place to go. My mind, body , wealth are all Yours. Do as You please with them. I thank you again and again that you’ve called me to Your court and allowed me to sit with the saints to hear your Gurbani.  May I do naam simran with Your hand over my head. And pour Your light blessings into me as I bow forever at Your lotus feet.”

2) How To sit?

Sit cross-legged, straight back, head tilted forward bowing slightly to God (NOTE although I have learnt now its better to sit in a relaxed way, I got bad knee probs and neck problems from sitting cross-legged and neck forward for long hours everyday) and mind focused on Satguru ji’s lotus
feet called Naam.   (NOTE: Naam isnt just repeating a word like God’s Name that you read or heard about.  Naam is when you are blessed directly by a Sant Guru and he connects the Light of God to the Word you meditate upon.)

How to focus on Satguru ji’s lotus feet?

The Lotus feet is the Naam. Concentrate on each syllable and feel like you are holding onto the Guru’s feet. Say the Naam with love and affection, humility and sweetness. That is drinking the charan amrit (foot amrit).

This diary will now be a record of what Gurmukh ji says. And what he says is what SatGuru Ji Himself is saying through his body to me.

Gurmukh ji said the following points today:

–  Do naam simran with 100% faith in SatGuru ji. All other affairs will be taken care of wether it is marriage or money. Don’t worry about worldy things at all, just do naam simran with 100% concentration.

– Always thank Satguru ji before eating, otherwise Gurbani says you are no better than a dog eating from its bowl (eating out of satisify cravings and desires).

– Naam is higher than kirtan and than nitnem (daily prayers) and katha (religious discourse).

– The key to the tenth door (dassam duar) “ the doorway to God “ is humility and love.

– See hot and cold as the same, joy and sorrow as the same, gold and dust as the same. Gurmukh ji waits for me in the 4 am cold frosty morning wearing a thin punjjabi suit (kurtha pyjama) with a shawl over his shoulder – not even wrapped around his body! He says he doesn’t feel the cold. Naam keeps him warm and SatGuru ji is His doctor always looking after him.

– No need to use an alarm clock to wake up. Have faith in Satguru ji. He will wake you up if you ask him to before going to sleep.

– Don’t try to please or displease people. Only live for honouring SatGuru ji’s teachings. Speak sweetly to everyone. Share wisdom with them and changing their life for the better is the greatest service (seva).

– Whenever your mouth is closed, your mind can be doing naam simran.

– When a person is not doing naam simran it is the same as car that has stopped. Your soul is no longer going forward on its journey.

– A person is like the lifeless branches of a tree in winter. When Naam simran is done then the leaves and flowers will grow and ulitmately it will bear fruit. What was once ugly has now become beautiful.

– The real mala (beads) is doing naam simran in the hirda (spiritual heart).

– To do seva without simran is like drinking tea without sugar! (And I love sweet milky Indian tea!)


6 Jan 95

This shabad by most humble Guru Ram Das Ji sums up all my feelings, I recite it every day, all the time.

Prabh Keejay kirpa nidhaan “

O Merciful God, Giver of Treasure
I sing Your praises.
Please fulfill this desire of mine:
When will You hug me to Your chest?
I am a silly and innocent child,
Who You my Father will teach.
Each and every moment I make mistakes,
But You O Father of the World will accept me.
Whatever You give me O Master,
Is what I happily receive.
I have nowhere else where I can go.
Whoever you make into a Bhagat-saint
Only they can realise You.
Their light and Your light unite and merge into One.
You are the One who is Merciful
And You Yourself will bestow this merged state (liv lagee).
Servant Nanak seeks the shelter of Your door
And God himself will protect his honour.

Today at the Gurdwara I saw myself as un unwedded bride, sitting cross-legged infront of SatGuru ji. I had my wedding dress on and decorations and red head scarf. Looking down innocently I was innocently saying my Husband’s name and bowing to Him in my mind


“Ik Oankar Waheguru Ji,
SatNaam Waheguru Ji”.

My forehead felt hot.  It’s all SatGuru ji’s grace. I feel His hand above my head and thank him forever.

Gurmukh ji said today :

– Before doing kirtan say to SatGuru ji in a sweet voice, “You are doing this kirtan by Your grace.” If after doing kirtan you say “I did it.” Then that is ego and next time SatGuru ji will not let you do kirtan.

– If someone asks you what prayers do your do? Just reply, “I don’t do anything, Satguru ji does it all.” If someone asks you what time you get up? Just say, “Whenever Satguru ji gets me up is when I get up.” 

– Give all credit to SatGuru ji to avoid inflating your ego.

9 Feb 95

Gurmukh Ji’s eyes are jewels shining like stars and the whole Universe is revolving inside them. With His grace I drive Gurmukh ji home in the evening, but actually he is doing my seva by straightening out my soft and flimsy mind.  It feels like SatGuru ji speaking through his mouth. His
pearls of wisdom discovered through years of soul searching are handed to me the foolish child.


Today’s wisdom:

– Food wont cause negative effects on the body if you do ardas before eating it and do naam simran while eating it.

– Someone said to Gurmukh ji you are going to become a Sant. He replied to them, “I have no idea what I will become. All I know is that I have very little knowledge and that SatGuru ji is looking after me. He takes care of everything.”

– When SatGuru ji is the One and only thing on a person’s mind then SatGuru ji sends a special soul to come and get you. And bring you to sit at SatGuru ji’s lotus feet in the True Court of the True Lord.


– When there is no difference between your actions and what Gurbani says then SatGuru ji will come and meet you.. Then you are pure enough for Him.

– When your mind has become full of love for Satnaam Waheguru Ji and SatGuru ji then the Truth is realised.


– To fill with love you have to ask Satguru ji to fill you with so much love for Him that nothing else stays in your mind.  Not the 5 thieves, nor any thoughts of material things eg I have to earn
money; I want to buy a house, I need to meet a friend etc.

– When the mind is joined to Naam simran as one with total love then love will carry you through to your destination. The person with true love is more powerful than the President of the World. Nothing is witheld from that one. That one can never lose what SatGuru ji has given them no matter what happens. Then and only then can that person teach others naam simran, gurbani and amrivela.

– Admit the Truth to yourself that Satguru ji does everything for me.  That I have no knowledge, no wisdom, no material possessions, no family.  I only have SatGuru ji.

– Have one target and that is aim your mind at joining with SatGuru ji’s lotus feet with the glue of love.

Professor Puran Singh ji wrote that the state of Nirvana reached by Buddha through his almighty inner struggle, was reached by Lehna ji through his divine love for SatGuru Nanak Ji. My ardas to SatGuru ji is to bestow His grace on me like He did on Lehna Ji. And My ardas to Lehna ji, Guru Angad Dev Ji is to fill me with the love he had for SatGuru Nanak Ji’s lotus feet.

I am a total and utter fool whose ardas was heard by the Great Guru. And now even if I have a bad day, SatGuru ji still takes me to Gurdwara to meet Gurmukh ji within whom SatGuru ji resides and everything is OK again.

WOW. Thanks a million countless times for my great good fortune.


23 Feb 95

Had complete neck failure last week. Took a week to recover. Think I overdid it with sitting with my head titlted forward and meditating. Also hadn’t been eating very well.

Gurmukh ji said :

– There’s a world of difference between the Sikhs of old and the Sikhs of today. Today’s Sikhs just about come to the Gurdwara and then cant wait to get out of the hall so they can start gossiping and slandering with their friends. The Sikhs of old were huge Khalsa with blood-red eyes from deep meditation and Naam on their mind all the time. One look at them and their enemies used to scuttle away.

For my soul (atma) to merge with the Supreme Soul (Parmatma) I must do the following :

– Follow the Guru’s hukam

– Fill my mind with good and true thought

– Fix Guru’s feet in my heart. Naam is the Guru’s feet and meditate with the mind upon them.

– Don’t waste time talking useless talk or listening to useless talk. Just say Gur Fateh and walk away.

– To be acceptable to SatNaam Waheguru I must never say “I did this.” I must always tell the Truth. Always say “I have no power, SatGuru ji did everything.”

– When my mind is in tune with naam simran at amritvela then spiritua progress will be made.

– The mind is like a TV, one minute it can be playing dirty movies, the next Gurbani videos. When there’s only the Guru’s hukam then Guru ji arrives.

– Don’t go to Gurdwara to meet friends, only to meet SatGuru ji.

Gurmukh ji said he had been given a feeling by SatGuru ji to ask around for my marriage.

24 Feb 95

Talked to Gurmukh ji about what to teach the children in the Sikhi Classes we run every Sunday?


Gurmukh Ji said :

– Teach them Punjabi. If they don’t understand Punjabi they will never understand the Guru’s way.

– Teach them how to mutha-tek (bow). Before bowing they need to say the following ardas “O True Lord, I am your silly and innocent child. I want Your wisdom and not the world’s wisdom. Please be kind to me.”

– Teach them the Guru’s names and history.

– Teach kirtan and katha and gatka.

– Encourage them to speak punjabi at home and at the Gurdwara.

– Teach them they have to learn how to control their mind to stay at the Guru’s feet.


9 Mar 95

My mind rebelled against Gurmukh ji’s instructions this week. Too much pressure on my head. I had to blow up or I would have been dead. Basically his rules are too tough :

– Don’t eat food from outsiders eg restaurants, take aways “ lack of cleanliness.

– Don’t eat bread made by outsiders “ they smoke , have dirty hands etc ( But, I live on sandwiches!)

– Only eat from the Gurdwara Langar “ that is Guru’s food (But all food is God’s food, isn’t it?).

– Speak punjabi at Gurdwara. Four times he’s told me in different ways to do this. But Punjabi is so difficult for me and aren’t all languages God’s languages?

I did try to follow these rules but its way to difficult and I cant see what its got to do with spirituality.

Today’s reading from SGGS Ji said “become the dust of the saints feet.”  Made me realise that I have become a brick wall and am not letting Gurmukh ji’s instructions into me whether I believe them or not. Lehna Ji did every crazy thing that Baba Nanak Ji told him to wether it seemed logical or not (like almost eating the dead corpse, or climbing a tree and shaking it
so indian sweets would fall out). Maybe its all to do with getting rid of my ego, my worldy logic, of showing compelte surrender to the will of the saints?

27 Apr 95

Met Gurmukh ji at Gurdwara today having langar. He told me a funny joke!  Then he said to me “this red colour in these cheeks is blessing of SatGuru ji. Naam has come to reside inside. If you want to be dyed in this colour (rang charna) then you have to do one ardas each and every day so SatGuru ji knows you want it. And that is


“Without you SatGuru ji I cannot live.”

Then I have to prove I really want it by making some commitment and seeing it through.

I have tried doing everything Gurmukh ji has been telling me for the last year. That was my commitment. I said to Guru ji, “Whatever he says I will accept as Your hukam.  With Guru’s blessing have done Sukhmani Sahibs, amrivela, naam simran with humility and love, going to Gurdwara morning and night rain or shine and even when car broke down. However this body couldn’t keep up and this mind almost went crazy doing Sukhmani Sahibs twice a day (taking me 3 hrs!) on top of everything else.

Since then body has recovered. Making your body suffer to please God was called TAP -penance and done by many past devotees in Hinduism. But, Gurbani rejects that. Just be truthful, do naam simran , serve the saints and clean up your mind under Guru’s grace. Nothing external is going to

30 Apr 95

I live for serving the youth here. To breathe life into them. To give them a helping hand. To listen to their problems. To wipe their holy feet. To help them pave their way in life. To show them how to cut down their obstacles. To pour the water of Gurbani on their inner fires.

22 May 95

Had langar (dinner) at Gurmukh ji’s house today. He told me some Truths in his sweet, happy but firm style. I was feeling relaxed and just doing naam simran inside, happy to be at his lotus feet. I kept looking at him filling with a sense of wonder. Amazed that the wonderful Creator of the
world was inside the human frame sitting next to me. That the Creator of the World was pretending to be a family man, laughing and playing with his guests, who all think he’s just a normal man like them. Because they only know what they are like and think everyone else is like them. But, to me Gurmukh ji gives a glimpse of the magnificient reality that He is experiencing.


He said :

– One chup (silence) equals 100 sukhs (peaceful moments).

– People get offended by him when he points out the truth to them. One day a the Gurdwara he heard a man complaining about corrupt Ragi singers, “they do this and they do that”. Then gurmukh ji replied to him, “But what do you do? What right do you have to criticise them when you are not perfect?”

– Kabir Ji says that “In our mind home lives the family of 5 thieves.  But, no one dares to set this house on fire to burn this flse family except the one who is following the Guru.”

– Most people take a shower everyday, but the rare one washes their mind.

– If it gets hot people take off clothes, if it gets cold people put on clothes. But when the mind gets pain they don’t change their habits. Only the rare one changes the mind cloth of wordly wisdom for Guru’s wisdom.

– Be careful of TV. As long as you watch it without getting sucked into it it has no effect. But as soon as you start thinking, pondering over the TV wisdom and words then you get drawn into it’s world and away from Guru ji.

– When you realise that your mind is what you watch on TV then you can win your mind back. When you realise what you watch is feeding your mind then will want to feed it good things only and turn off the crap.

– A person committed a crime and the police arrested the mother because she was the one that told him to do it. She was more dangerous than the son. Same with body and mind. The body does bad actions, but there is no point in punishing the body. You have to capture the mother mind that told it what to do.

– It is difficult to capture the the mind and keep it still. The only way is by sitting in the sangat of saints and say to SatGuru ji, “I am a fool who has no knowledge. Be merciful guru ji and let me sit here concentrating on your lotus feet (Naam simran). Be merciful while I’m here. Please don’t let my mind think of anything else – not hunger, not leaving, not anything except you.”


3 Jul 95

Found out my family had been keeping a secret from me. Felt very disappointed that they hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me. Felt betrayed from head to toe. In my mind I cut the strings of family attachments.  They shouldn’t be able to sway my mind. Thanked God.

Last weekend freed my mind from all worries, pressures and concerns about worldy things. Spent both days doing relaxation, simran and visualisation. Listened to Reharas Sahib sung in Raag. It took about an hour. But could hear Guru Nanak Ji’s humilty and love shining through in the language of Raag. Felt my heart was riding on the sacred gurbani. That God called this fool into His Divine prescence. It’s the closest I’ve been to my Creator for a year. No mental distractions, just a pure connection. Felt so humble, realised how incredible, awesome, wonderful SatNaam Wahegruu jee is. And how foolish and small and insignificant I am.

Want to go away and just do bhagati, but Hukam is to make this world and the spiritual world successful. So have have faith in Guru ji that He is taking care of it all.

11 Jul 95

Baba Maan Singh ji packed out the Gurdwara and sent some bolts of Truth into the sangat. He said that the people who speak form the Gurdwara stage are the Guru’s voice. The Guru’s order is that they obey the Guru’s will and preach only what the Guru’s taught. Regardless of if people find it hard to swallow. But the Guru’s voice has been muted by people who want to please the sangat for money, pleasing Guru ji doesn’t concern them.

14 Jul 95

Was blessed to meet Gurmukh ji and we went to the Baba Maan Singh programme together. Nowhere to sit, had to squeeze in, must have been over 1000 people in Havelock Road Gurdwara. People sitting in the shoe area, in the hallway, in the langar areas too. Baba Maan Singh ji splits the sangat into two clean halves. The meat-eaters and beer drinkers feel like naughty kids being told off by their Dad and sit quitely with heads hung low. The Amrit-dharees in the uniform, already have big heads and lack humility. Baba Maan singh fuels their ego with stories from Sikh history and his black and white, wrong and right view of the world. They leave
feeling superior and look down at the non-amritdharees.

Gurmukh ji wasn’t impressed with him saying, “He says Waheguru roughly. A true MahaPurakh (Great soul) says his Husband’s name with love and humility. They have put a thief as the leader and the Sikh masses follow.”

Harsh words indeed, but only a true lover knows who else is true.

Gurmukh ji is completely different from anyone else I know. His mind is 100% at the feet of Satguru ji. He is overflowing with love and peace and it washes over a fool like me. Gurmukh ji is away from this world.  It just him and Satguru ji. Nothing else matters to him. Dedication and
discipline, devotion and total dependance on Satguru ji at all times. He’s not here to make speeches, nor to write books, nor to convert the masses.

He’s here to be a bhagat, a lover of God, a child in Satguru ji’s laps.

Gurmukh ji said, “As long as you keep your head down in humility you’re OK. But people lift their heads and start saying ME, ME, ME.”