ik oankar satnaam gurprasad||

gian anjan gur deea, agian andher binaas.
har kirpa theh sant bhetia, nanak man pargaas.

The guru applies the eyeliner of knowedge to me, and dispels the
darkness of my ignorance.
Nanak: By God’s kind grace I met the saint, and my mind become enlightened
(Merged into the Divine Light of God).

Here’s some more from the diary. You can start seeing how quickly spiritual progress was made when with Guru’s kirpa God arrange for this person to start doing amritvela EVERYDAY without fail, and serving the Sant Guru (Gurmukh Ji) -everyday. From ego to people seeing light of God on this face.

And crucially, you will see that the mind was battling with desire for marriage at the same time. When the desire was thrown out of mind, bhagati would increase. When the desire came back, maya would bring the mind down again.

That is the basic pattern of the mind, it always wants desires to be  fulfilled, and will bring the mind back from bhagati. Even having this knowedge its not easy to get rid of desire.. I couldnt do it until I finally did get married. Like Baba ji teaches, for most people the only way their desires go is by going out and tasting them, then feeling the DUKH they bring with them.


2 Oct 95

Spent the last three weeks in India. Went for a week to Hemkund at the top of the mountain. Hard or what! Had to do simran with every breath, long breaths, drank lots of water in the midday sun as we climbed upto 15,000 feet. Felt like Guru Gobind Singh ji was with us all the way. His lovelight was pouring all around the mountain like the sun’s rays. The journey was very teacherous and difficult, but not impossible, because of Guru ji’s infinite, endless stream of love shwoering all the creatures and vegetation on the mountains.

At Harmandir Sahib (Golden Temple) felt like Guru Ram Das Ji was sitting right infront of me like the father of the people with his children sitting all around him.

Glad to be back in Southall. Guru Gobind Singh ji is here too. His love is wider and deeper than all the blue oceans put together and I am his little blue drop. Guru Gobind Singh ji’s power is vast and more awesome than all the blue skies and I am a little blue patch.

I belong to Gur Gobind Singh ji, but I am a lion without a heart, full of fear. I pray to my father to hug me to his chest and call me his own.

12 Dec 95

Reading from SGGS said that ego is the disease and that even Shiva, Brahma and Vishnu fell victim to it. SGGS 735/736. What a fool I’ve been over the last few months, somehow or the other I have ended upp on top of the ego mountain and refused to admit it was ego, saying it was honour  – “A proud Sikh!”

Firstly, I get too much respect at the Gurdwara for being Amrit-dharee and  wearing blue bana uniform with a big kirpan. Secondly when I sing on the vaja I get too much ego. Thirdly , even though I hate to admit it, but I have started seeing myself as Guru Gobind Singh ji. I mean I sing, I’m learning Gatka, I can do paat, I’m leading the Sikh classes “. “What an ego freak I

Now, I think I have to sort out my marriage. Have seen a girl’s face in my dream, have got attracted to R – the girl who looks like that. Now I think is Guru ji telling me she is the one. Now its bugging me as to what to do.

Gurmukh ji and I have been going to amritvela waheguru kirtan for the last two weeks. From 4am. Satguru ji has been waking me up because I know if I don’t get up then Gurmukh ji will be waiting for me in the cold!

Said to Guru ji please give me the strength to do this seva and simran EVERYDAY without fail. After a week though my neck was totally stressed out again, but said to Guru ji “You’ve already taken my head, so if you want it again have it.”  Its better now, been sitting against the wall.

Gurmukh ji told us a few more things:

– One merges with God by Guru’s grace, not by techniques.

– His naam simran carries on effortlessly in the upper part of his chest area (hirda). He keeps head titled forward humbly and keeps his mind focused inwardly. Hence its effortless and can be done for a long time.

– I need to say to SatGuru ji, “I have only one thought in my mind and that is to do naam simran while waking, sleeping, walking and all day and night. To live my whole life like I am at the Gurdwara. My mind listen :  I’m not going to run after this and that worldy things, I am only going to do naam simran. I am going to trust Waheguru ji will take care of everything.”

Wow, I really needed that.  God talks through the saint. I’m not going to run after that girl. Its just desires. All I am going to do is naam simran day and night.

21 Dec 95

Slowly, slowly , bit by bit I can feel the ego of birth after birth washing down my body and mving into the Earth with the rest of the dirt. That’s where ego should stay. My mind should always be bowed low at the Guru’s feet.

Humility is sweet, love for naam is sweet. Ego is empty. Had too much ego. And too much lust for that girl again. Have to keep telling my mind to make a choice, “Do you want to love the created or the Creator?” It’s no contest. I’ll obey Guru ji’s hukam. And wherever He gets me married
that’s good. Whatever He wants me to say I’ll say. I am dead, my mind, body and wealth are all Guru jis. I obey hukam and not my mind’s desires now. Now I can concentrate on naam simran again. Singing so simply, so sweetly, so innocently. Full of devotion and humility. Not ego.

Gurmukh ji said, as he always does, the right thing at the right time to me:

– sing gurbani sweetly so that it moves the listener. Don’t rush it.

– Its upto God upon whom He gives his gifts. No one else knows who’ll be saved. And when God wants one to be saved He’ll do it in no time, in no time at all.

I feel God is doing everything for me this time. I gave up trying so hard last year. God arranged meeting with Gurmukh ji. I’ll keep my mouth shut and pray to Guru ji to help me.

22 Dec 95

Bhenjee at the Gurdwara said that my face looks nice when I do simran.  Some of the kids say to me that my face is shining in the sangat. Simran Singh says his mum sees light on my face. Guru ji I am a fake through and through!

After singing (out of tune as usual) on the vaja at home today I could feel the lgiht and heat on my forehead. Thankyou Satguru ji “You do the kirtan and I’m just a sick helpless human who feels it washing over me.”

29 Dec 95

Remove this person called Harjit Singh totally and utterly. May the world forget there was anyone by this name. Guru ji please fill this human shell with your love and light completely. Place your lotus feet of naam in this body shoe and walk the Earth for Your glory.

Baba ji (God and Guru Ji) when will I meet you? Day and night I wish I could sing Your praises, but I am a fool. You told me already


“Son, this is your mother;’s blessing, don’t forget God for a second’
Pootha mata kee asees,
nimak na bisaro thum ko har har sada bajho jagdeesh.


But I forget You time and time again. SatGuru Ji when I look at myself I see am full of mistakes, but I don’t fit into the worldy world and I don’t fit into the spiritual realm either. Satguru Ji I am stuck in the middle. Be kind and save me.

Gurmukh ji said :

– Doing ardas to any Guru is fine

– Do naam simran all the time. People will bow to the Naam inside you.

– When Baba Ji’s (God-Guru) love is inside you then family, friends, even animals will have true love for you as well.

– Whatever I say is whatever Baba ji wants me to say, I am an empty pot.

– Baba ji checks to see if a person has got ALL the virtues before merging with them.

– Do simran, take the “inner form” (astral body) out of your body and place it at Baba Ji’s feet, everything is Baba ji’s.

– It is Baba ji’s Will that Harjit learns all these things.

31 Dec 95

Took parents to meet R’s parents to enquire about possibility of marriage.  But she is too still studying. I was hurt again. Am really fed up with looking for a wife.

If “looking-for-a-wife” was a car I’d drive it down hill incredibly fast and crash it into a wall. There would be no hope for that car to ever come back to haunt me again.

If “looking-for-a-wife” was a TV set that I was addicted to watching, its hypnotising attraction steadily drawing me closer into its fantasy land only to look sweet but to taste like poison, then I’d take a shotgun and blast bullet through the stupid screen and scream with delight that TV
would never bother me again.

Baba Ji its all your will. I’m not really upset. My mind has been OK all week. Everything is yours. Wherever you want me to get married is where I wil be married. Baba Ji I lie at your feet flat as a stick. Everything is Yours. You do everything. I am a stupid fool.

Had a dream with two snakes. One was killed the other slipped into the village ahead of me. To me it meant the maya of the girl R was over. But I also have another maya test ahead of me. Perhaps it going to be N – she’s my other attraction. Best be careful.




Still battling with desires. Lesson to be learnt is that having made a committment to fight the 5 thieves, they came thicker and faster to bring the mind down. Its not easy to beat them, but have to keep battling away .. you may lose a single battle, but will win the war.


21 Jan 96

Was down last week, started thinking about making a rap song for some of my poems. Started getting ego again when dreaming of rapping away!

Today Gurmukh ji said (he always knows where I am going wrong without me even telling him anything about my state of mind) :

– Keep your mind on one and only one target. Like daytime is always light, and night time is always dark. Day an night know there jobs. A bhagat only remembers naam with the one target of reaching there.

– Baba Nanak is the one that has blessed him directly to do naam simran, never get yourself worshipped, always give credit to your Guru.

So I quickly killed all my hopes for making a rap song, poems, running Sikhi classes, marriage, buying a house.

And I found at amrtivela my mind didn’t wander around at the Gurdwara.  For two hours just felt Waheguru ji was all around.

26 Jan 96

Had dream last week. I was infront of of the beautful, beautiful white ocean. Waves rising and rushing forward layer after layer. It was alovely summer’s day. My feet were in the sand. I was engrossed in the enchanting scene infront of me. Beside me was a woman talking into my left ear. I turned my face from the ocean just to nod her politely, but my mind was on the ocean.

The ocean was God and the woman was maya distracting me. And that is where my mind is trapped. Has to learn to keep its face to the ocean only.

In Asa-dee-var one line caught my attention


Meditate with one mind on the One Lord.
Hoi ik man alahk dhiaaiaay.

Today felt like a bride sitting outside God’s door singing the sweet naam.

Its been freezing cold this week and snowing, but Gurmukh ji waits for me in thin clothes “he’s got Naam central heating!”

1 Feb 96

Last week I had promised to focus on One God with One Mind. So what happened? The 5 thieves came at me thicker and stronger. Have had lust, anger, greed ego and attachment this week in large doses! Had another marriage introduction so lust flared up again. Started thinking of money making oppurtunities then read a quote, “the greatest motivation known to
man is greed!” Wrote a poem about Baba Deep Singh ji and got very proud and attached to it.

Gurmukh ji said :

– The mind has such a huge circle of things to do. Slowly that circle decreases. When it finally come to rest at one place then it can do naam simran with one mind on the One.




Beware of making decisions especially marriage ones when you are feeling down desparate and put under presure by family and society. You will make the wrong decision. Always follow your heart – your Inner Eternal Guru (God) who talks to you through your inner feelings, your intuition. He is always right. That is the personal hukamnaama for you, and not running to SGGS Ji for a reading, as so many people do when they want to see what Guru ji is saying about a prospective marriage partner. Becuse SGGS Ji will only tell you to get out of maya and do bhagati. It wont tell you who to marry or not. Then people twist the meanings of the reading to fit in with the maya they are asking about. Learn to get in tune with your feelings and to stand up for what God is telling you through them. Otherwise you will make the wrong decision and suffer for it, like I nearly did in the following:




13 Feb 96

With Guru ji’s kirpa we have done 80 days of amritvela simran with Gurmukh ji without missing a day. Had another introduction for marriage. Went to her house in Birmingham. It was a really small lounge with two sofas packed to the brim with people. We came in sat down, the middle-man was there, the girls parents, brother and lots of young women and girls were rushing in and out with nervous excitement. In typical punjabi fashion no-one introduced anyone to me. As the elders talked, I sat there trying to guess who I was going to be introduced too. I even analyzed the family pictures on the shelves but to no avail. Finally they brought her in from the kitchen, we went upstairs to her bedroom to talk.  Going to a girl’s bedroom is pretty uncomfortable! Lots of pressure. After about 10 minutes there was a loud banging from under the floor. Her brother was banging a broom from downstairs to tell us to finish and come down! 10 minutes in which to decide the rest of your life! On paper we were a good match. Both religious, write poems etc. But I wasn’t attracted to her. There was a lot of pressure from from everyone. Got downstairs, squeezed into a seat between two people. Her brother was asking right out, “So what do
you think?”


What was I supposed to say infront of all her family? That I’m not interested?  They would have probably thrown us out right there and then. I just said I have to talk to my parents first. So the middle-man got my parents and me to stand outside he front-door to decide! It was ridiculous how they were pressuring us for a quick decision. But being polite I just said to my parents, “She’s ok , its upto you.”

Dad told the middle-man we’ll let him know. We went to Susan’s student accomodation nearby and talked. I just said, “Its OK.” Parents weren’t that keen. But I think we were all a bit down that I wasn’t married yet and not thinking straight. Dad called the middle-man to say it’s a “Yes”.
However none of us were happy.

The reason I said “Yes” was because being lonely was getting me down, and I thought that Gurbani said “treat bitter as sweet.” But that night I went back to Hounslow and parents to Luton. I just couldn’t sleep. But even in the morning I thought “I cant say NO now. Because gurbani says you shouldn’t break your word.  I was getting more and more anxious and worried during the day. Then kept thinking, but if I marry her I wont be able to say “You’re really pretty” because that would be a lie! And gurbani says lying is wrong too. Then that would be the end of the marriage! I was really get stressed now. Then that evening Dad called and said he had been feeling that I was worried or something. I said “No, I’m OK.” Then he just said, “You don’t have to marry her if you’r not happy.” O what a relief. It was like God was talking through Dad to help me out. Without a second thought I just said, “OK then I don’t want to marry her. Tell them I’m really sorry for saying yes and now no.”

I felt really bad about giving the other person false hopes. But my soul felt free after that. Learnt that I should never chain my soul down. Not even when doing paat or simran. Never get into depression. Felt like Guru Gobind Singh ji had himself come to break my chains. Felt his strong
presence for the next two days. At the Gurdwara felt Guru ji was there at amritvela simran on his horse. And that the Devi Devthas (god-godesses) were throwing flowers in praise as Guru ji rode by.

Sant Sheesha Singh came again to fund raise, gave him £2100. He’s the Guru’s tax collector! As Mother Teresa says “give until it hurts.”






Baba Ji also teaches that the greatest gift, the gift that the soul has been travelling through thousands of lifetimes for is that of NAAM.   And if you have great good fortune pre-ordained by God, and meets you with the Sant Guru, and the Sant Guru ignites you with NAAM then NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE EVER AGAIN. From that moment on live in total gratitude  for the greatest gift of Naam that God-Guru has given to you.  Dassan Dass Ji says always keep your heart humble i.e. gareebee ves hirda- wrap your heart up in the cloak of poverty – then like a beggar you will feel like you are not worthy of anything, and be overjoyed when anyone gives you anything – no complaints.

In gurbani this is called SAT SANTOKH – be contented (SANTOKH) with SAT (Truth – Gods Name (Naam) is SAT).

However even knowing this and having Gurmukh ji tell me tthese things, desires never finish and being ungrateful soon follows.



18 Feb 96

Have to make a decision about getting married and to stop hiding behind the word HUKAM. But as soon as I thought that Gurmukh ji said,

– The one who has naam has all their desires fulfilled.

This means that imagine that all your wordly desires came true. And you experienced the imaginary happiness that you thought you would get from those desires. You actually get that happiness and much more when you get blessed with Naam. But by chasing desires for that happiness, you actually only end up with suffering”sukh rog bhaiyaa”.

21 Feb 96

I did ardas to Guru ji that when I try and do simran with humility I always end up feeling depressed, quiet and withdrawn, lonely and seeing myself as the worst of all.

Later in the car Gurmukh ji said out of the blue :

– Do naam simran with happiness. Not crying. Crying simran will always keep you crying. Happy simran will take you into anand (bliss). Your mind should be like a flower in blossom. Singing gurbani and doing naam simran with a smile and happy face.





Some really great pieces of divine wisdom (gian) frm Gurmukh ji. Bani says that your inner spirituality is like milk, and to stop it spilling away you need the container of gian. Doing meditation and having divine wisdom go hand in hand. That’s what we were doing, going amritvela for simran and seva, then getting divine wisdom from Gurmukh ji in order keep the mind
under control.


22 Feb 96

Started getting undiciplined, staying up late,watching TV, reading newspapers ..all boring, eating out etc. Normally at this stage I would start going down in spirituality because I would start missing amritvela.  But now because I know Gurmukh ji is waiting at amritvela, I cant miss it.
So today in amritvela naam simran felt wonderful wonderful Waheguru ji was very powerful.

The best things are walking around nature doing mool mantr and Waheguru simran. And letting the emotion of kirtan in asa-dee-var churn me inside. 


Gurmukh ji said today :

– A man was saying that God is responsible for all the good and bad in the world. To which Gurmukh ji replied, “God is SACH – Truth only. And not bad at all. However like an eclipse blocks the sun and the sky turns black, we cant see the Truth and start saying Waheguru ji is bad.  Wereas, in reality, we we are the ones who are full of darkness and should beg Satguru ji to
make us Truthful. Into the same as SACH (Truth). God Himself was Guru Nanak and came into this world to make the bad ones good. If it wasn’t for Guru Nanak to Guru Gobind Singh ji then everything would be finished by now. Waheguru ji loves everyone and wants to make them true, but we call God bad. And the ones who are bad just have to do one good thing and we call them good!

– “Bhaanaa” is God’s will. If something unexpected happens then accept it as Bhaanaa.

– Hukam is God’s order.

– “Sat Karams” are those truthful actions which lead us to being united with Waheguru ji.  If I get hurt then it was due to my bad past deeds, my asat (untruthful) karams (deeds).  Karam refers to your past deeds. Everything in life is pre-determinded due to our past actions, we reap what we have sown.  However it can be changed if a sinner like me starts doing seva and sangat of saints. Then my past good deeds, karams awaken and I start going closer and closer to God.

– People come to the Gurdwara. They come, sit down, listen to kirtan and go home. They’re exactly the same before and after. No change. Same lack of humility. Same lack of love in their words. Same silly arguments and misuse of Gurbani to support incorrect arguments. They refuse to understand the Truth. They praise someone if he knows Gurbani off by heart even though they haven’t found the real thing of naam that Gurbani is telling them to find.

– If someone tells someone else to “FETCH ME SOME WATER!” then he is a fool. And the person who fetches it is a fool as well. Because the one fetching it should first request the other to ask with kindness. And the one asking should humble put his hands together, head slightly forward and say “Dear child, please get me some water.”

– Ego causes one to go back to square one. We up a few rungs of the ladder. Ego strikes and we fall flat. This happens again and again. We’ll be stuck in this cycle forever unless we say that we know nothing, Satguru ji knows everything. For example, someone stopped Gurmukh ji in the street and said “You are Guru Nanak’s special person in this world.” He looked up, (he normally walks around oblivious to all around him). He replied, “Guru Nanak knows what I am, I don’t.”

–  Each and every moment thank Satguru ji. Thanks for giving me human body so that I can do naam simran and discuss God with the saints. You cant do that if you’re born as a dog or a cat.

– To reach Waheguru ji you have to have a one track mind and be determined. Do naam simran and do nothing wrong. If one starts to do bad things then naam simran is wasted. If one becomes contented that I do nitnem without fail and that’s enough, then one will stay at that stage forever.

– Listen to parents, listen to others, but only act upon what Gurbani and the saints tell you. Don’t argue with other people or preach to them.  Just listen to them. The time will come when Guru ji will automatically put the right words into your mouth.

– People nowadays are so reluctant to greet each other and walk right by.

– For me Guru Nanak ji is God Himself, the greatest supreme One. Other religions are OK too if they put their heart and soul into their prayers.

One again Gurmukh ji has said things that apply exactly to my state of mind. I’m such a fool and get distracted off the path so easily. Gurmukh ji must get tired of telling me these things again and again.


1 March 96

Mum’s birthday – 46 years young! But she was complaining that I still wasn’t married.  Complaining about anything and everything. I reminded her of all the good stuff and she was OK after that. We should never complain about anything. Its all God’s will. And even if we lose everything – even our arms and legs, then still thank God for being able to breathe and be
able to do naam simran.

Last Sunday Harbhajan Singh Yogi Ji and his group of white American Sikhs blessed our Sikhi classes. They truly inspired everyone. I felt like angels in white had walked in and showered flower petals of love on everyone.

Then in Gatka class we were chanting “Satnaam Waheguru” when the prettiest sister joined in. I tried to focus on naam simran but my eyes kept going to her. Then I was running and jumping around with new energy like an 18 year old. That was followed by 3 days of feeling down in the dumps.  Thinking I want her as my wife! Thinking look at my life, so strict and boring. Get up so early, don’t eat from outside, don’t go out and about with friends or family. I felt like escaping from it all and going to USA to stay with Yogi Ji and maybe marry a white lioness!

Anyway that’s what desire for a wife does to me.

Still no matter what the mind says, am still managing to get up at amritvela to pick up Gurmukh ji and go to Gurdwara.

Dhan Guru Amar Das ji who as an old man served Guru Angad Dev ji for 12 years fetching water in the early hours. Doing that seva day in and day out no matter what the weather was or his state of mind or his physical health.

Dhan Satguru ji, this seva is only possible if You put up your divine hand and stop the world of maya interfereing with this mind.

Naam simran is going on with my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth effortlessly.

Gurmukh ji told me the first day I met him that first naam is in the mouth and the tongue. Then it goes down into the heart and carries on silently.  No movement of lips, tongue or body. Then it shoots upto the top of the head – tenth door (dassam duar).

A couple of times this week after returning from amrtivela programme, felt the top of my head underneath my top-knot trying to open. Dhan dhan Satguru ji.

Started feeling frustrated that I am far from Waheguru ji yet. Cant face having to do hardships to body and mind again. But can’t live without the Light of my beloved Lord. I don’t know what I did right 2 years ago, but you gave me a glimpse of the Truth. I’m a desparate man, I’m desparate to
be with You again.

Then Gurbani reading said


“Those who progress in a balanced way get the Naam
and then their mind obeys“
sehaj milay jo jaan parchaaniaaa,
nanak naam milay man maaniaaa.

It means carry on doing naam simran and be patient.

Today worked hard and honestly, felt cracking at the tenth door even while standing at work drinking water.







After 8 years like a moth obssessed with the Light, the shabad finally came true for me after almost 2 years of Gurmukh ji’s sangat : SAW THE LIGHT, MERGED INTO THE LIGHT AND LOVE

Gian Anjan Gur deea, again andher binaas.
Har kirpa the sant bhetia, nanak man pargas.
..Guru gives us divine knowledge and removes our inner darkness.
On meeting the Sant, the mind is enlightened : nanak.


11 Mar 96

Went through a lot of worldy emotions this week, but came back to balanced mind with Guru ji’s kirpa. So what happened? Went to learn how to do counselling course organised by Sikh Missionary Society. There were some pretty girls there, and I have been programmed by my parents to find a wife so I cant help but start wondering if its one of them for me. Then we had
to look inside at how we were feeling. And I realised I am feeling very lonely and need someone. Then I saw N at the course too. I had written to her 1993 a total stranger asking if she was interested in me. She said I was kind to write to her but she was studying at that time and not thinking of marriage in the slightest. Seeing her at the course our eyes met and there was so
much energy exchanged in that glance that it brought those emotions of rejection and feelings of being a failure in love to the surface. And also a feeling that she may be interested in me now.


But it just put my mind into “Why did she look at me like that?” Building up my hopes again, to be
cut down again later on.

Went into work the next day, just couldn’t focus on work. Not interested. Took the rest of the week off. Osho said that it takes three days to get rid of ego. That’s why Guru Nanak ji disappeared into the river for three days. So I thought lets really focus with one mind on the One


..”hoi ikman alakh dhiaaiaa.”


Still went to morning and eveing Gurdwara programmes. But rest of the time didn’t talk to anyone excpet Gurmukh ji in the car, just stayed in my little room and did naam simran as follows.

Day 1 : Tuesday. Did simran. Standing and sitting. With a tape , with the tongue. Day and night. Just kept telling the mind do naam simran. It was really hard but managed it. No sweetness was felt – more like licking a rock as Bhai Gurdas Ji says. But didn’t give up just went through the

Day 2: Wednesday. Practised singing Alaap of Raag Gujri and felt a  mystical connection with the Supreme. The Supreme Being beyond space and time – it was very powerful. Thought about the greatness of God and if we really believed then we’d change our lives totally. Had energy feeling of warmth and light inside my forehead. Felt connected. Spent hours lying face down doing dandauth at God’s feet. At one moment there were no other thoughts other than naam in my mind, and out of the blue the name of N came into my mind. I was really confused, why did her name come into my mind?
I wasn’t thinking of her? Maybe she was thinking of me?

Day 3: Thursday.

Did simran with kirtan tape by Jasbir singh KhannaWalay about begging to God to unite me with Him. It was my ardas. Two hands together, eyes closed. Simran was close on the tip of my tongue, in my heart, saying God’s Name to my Divine Husband.  Breathing in through the nose “Ik oankar”, bringing energy up through the spine and over the top of my head. Felt like sap rising through a flower stem. Bring it to the forehead and it spreads out all over, like looking out at the horizon while standing on a cliff. Then breathe out Waheguru and bow to the greatness. Feel my face is the flower petals bowing humbly to the Supreme Being brighter and warmer than the sun.


Carried on breathing “Satnaam” up the spine and bowing whilst saying ““waheguru”.

Then all of a sudden it wasn’t imagination any more. It became real. Felt great bliss “ anand “ energy and love went up my spine and expanded in my  forehead and face. Felt an aura all around my head. Felt Guru Nanak ji’s power was over me. Best feeling, sweet humility, love. It was Guru Nanak ji’s lotus feet merged with my forehead for a few minutes. Then it faded
and I went back into the darkness. Kept thinking “No! No don’t go.”

But, concentration had lapsed and the connection was broken.

Day 4 : Friday. Went to Asa-Dee-Var with Gurmukh ji as normal. Whilst doing simran to the shabad by Kabir Ji, the energy arose again and felt the same bliss once more. But this time was merged into the Shabad. Could feel the pure love and sweetness Kabir Ji had in his heart when uttering the gurbani. Now I understood how much love Gurbani was saturated in. I felt like being forever a sacrifice to Gurbani, to the hearts of the sants from where it came from, to their love for God.

In the car on the way home Gurmukh ji told me that his mind was in anand, that it had blossomed like a flower. HE must have gone though some inense spiritual expereince too. His face was shining and red and bright.

During the rest of the day ego came back. Spent two or three hours doing dandauth at Gods feet until it went. Desire came into my mind to have the feeling of light again and again to be forever in that Light. Felt unfullfilled and unsatisifed without it. Frustrated and angry about worldy life. Mind wouldn’t concentrate once desires came back. Sang a shabad and calmed the mind down again.

Thanks Dhan dhan Satguru Nanak ji for even a glimpse.

Day 5: Saturday. N called me on the phone and said she had seen me. I was cautious to talk to her because I didn’t want to get caught up in desire again. But I hadn’t seen her at the Gurdwara so where had she seen me “ I’d been in my room all week? She replied she had seen me in her
prayer room in astral body wearing blue bana sitting next to her Guru Granth Sahib Ji. I was amazed. I asked which day that was and it was the same day that her name had come into my mind out of the blue.



This experience of energy rising up the spine and merging into the light at the thrird eye is called the Kundalini experience.

The kundalini refers to the energy at the base of the spine, Kundalini tries to raise this energy thru breathing and postures. The energy rises up the three channels around the spine ‘ida pingal and sushmana’ and light is seen at the third eye point. People who practise Harbhajan singh Yogi Ji’s Kundalini Yoga aim to raise the kundalini to experience spiritual bliss. But, yoga is not
necessary to experience that. Yogi Bhajan Ji came to our youth classes in Southall and someone asked how they could meet God. Yogi ji told them to come and live with his people in the US and he would get it. I was tempted by his offer. But then I thought he got his power from the Guru so
why dont I just go to the source? So with guru Ji’s blessing I took off 4 days from work (like
Guru Nanak Dev ji disappeared inthe river for 3 days) and meditated continously after doing the ardas ‘Guru ji you are the guru of gurus you are the satguru of satgurus, you are the yogi of yogis, and Guru ji bless me like you have bless Yogi Bhajan and countless sants.’


Those three days God came and visitied me , the kundalini rose, I was blessed to experience the light and the channels filling with rising energy and the third eye point filling with light and supreme love and bliss for Guru Nanak Dev ji’s lotus feet – like my flower-face was merged in the sunlight.

Here’s a poem written with God’s grace to describe a glimpse of that amazing bliss at the feet of Guru Nanak Ji:

Be a flower
A golden flower
Blooming in the heart
of a desert land
No hope of living
No fear of dying
Just being radiant
in the Creator’s Hand.

Be a flower
A golden flower
Blooming in the heart
under a desert sun
No hope of living
No fear of dying
Just bathe in the light
of the Eternal One.

I didnt even know what Kundlaini was when that happened, I only found out afterwards.

In Sidh Gosht , Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaj explained to the Sidhs (pracitsers of Yoga and other postures and techniques)

"He (the Gurmukh “ enlightened soul) understands the
Sushmana, Ida and Pingal,
when the unseen Lord reveals himself.
O Nanak , the True Lord is above these energy channels.
Through the word , the shabad of the True Guru ,
one merges with him. 60."


Baba Ji told me last year (2004), that this was SatNaam giving me a glimpse of Himself. And having been blessed with Darshan of the Supreme Truth, I should have become a total sacrifice to Him. Like Bhagat Dhanna Ji, and just said


"SatNaam ji, from now on I only live for serving you, nothing for me.”


Baba Ji said many people in his sangat expereinced kundalini and much more, but where unable to keep it. They fell back into maya. Even to the extent of slandering Baba Ji.

Exactly the same thing happened to me.  Following this experience I went back into desire for a girl and lost faith in Gurmukh ji, then lost the girl as well and lost all of my bhagati too, until was blessed to get that first email from Dassan Dass Ji in 2002 and to meet him and Baba Ji in 2003.  I told Dassan Dass Ji about my past experiences as described in this diary – he told me that I was being given another chance, but it would take longer this time.  (I was innocent and ready to die last time, this time I was covered in 40 foot scum of mayay as Dassan Das ji describes it.)

Dust of your feet,