Sat 7 Aug, 2010
Am sitting on the plane in San Fransisco after spending two weeks with our wife’s relatives here. Leaving wife and kids here and am about to take off for Toronto to be with Baba ji and Sangat now. Didn’t realise when we left Baba ji six years ago it would be so long before coming back again. Been doing much more simran over the last few months and forgetting about worldy pursuits just to get in to the right frame of mind for visiting Baba ji. Been having more dreams of Baba ji recently as a result, here are a couple of them:
1) Baba ji and Dassan Dass Ji cleared an evil eye in a vast stormy sky above our head – negative energy being thrown at us by some weird gothic, dark dressed type people (5 thieves). We then sat at Baba ji’s and Dassan Dass ji’s holy feet, crying in vairag (soul crying to be with God), whilst our Dad sat opposite with tension on his forehead like he still didn’t approve of us, but at least he didn’t say anything to stop us. What can he do anyway – our life is out of his control now.
2) After doing simran at Amritvela we fell asleep and found ourself flying over the countryside feeling free and joyous. Then we realised it was a dream and remembered that Baba ji had said to call upon Baba Nanak in lucid dreaming. We said, “Dhan Baba Nanak” and found ourself accelerating at the speed of light with all stars and universe whizzing past us in a blur. When we stopped we were at the holy feet of Pritam Anand Ji. Realised he is no less than Baba Nanak Ji as well.
We have struggled over the years to sit with one mind, one focus (ek man ek chit), but without that Simran becomes very difficult because the mind is always running around. In our ardas given to us by Dassan Dass ji we always pray for our mind to be focused on his Name. We also know that we have always found it easy to concentrate whilst sitting in sangat and very difficult on our own. This last two weeks we have been on holiday in USA at our relatives and we have had time to just relax, think of nothing worldy, let go of our wordly day to day issues, untie all the mental knots we were in and just do our simran, more simran and more simran, sleep, rest, stretching, more simran, more simran and more simran. We resolved we would try our best now to do simran with awawreness of God and love and humblness. Last Monday night after doing our Amritvela Simran we were blessed with the gift of concentration in the following dream:
As far as we feel inside we always treat and feel NJ ji is a Sant. In our ardas we always call upon Baba ji, T ji, Dassan Dass ji, NJ ji , Dhan Baba Nanak Ji and all the Gurus and Bhagats. When we go into Sangat we press our forehead infront of NJ ji’s holy feet. When we close our eyes we wash her feet in the sangat. Even in our dream last night after Simran, she came and said something to us, we said, ‘sorry we didn’t hear what you said.’ She replied ‘thankyou for everything’, and we were really surprise, we said, ‘but we haven’t done anything, we thank you for everything.’ She replied, ‘you will now be able to concentrate from now on.’ We replied, ‘but we can only concentrate when we sit in your sangat.’ And she replied with kindness, ‘you will be able to concentrate on your own now.’
We recognise she is another face (mukh) of God (Gur) now – GURMUKH.
“Gurmukh Kal vich pargat hoa – the Gurmukh has manifested in this Dark Age.” – Bhai Gurdas Ji.
By the end of the week we were lying down doing our relaxation and Satnaam simran and felt we were very close to the Ocrean of Light (ManSarovar) that is always around us, but our ego doesn’t let us see. The Ocean of Light that we call Satnaam.
Also for these last couple of weeks we resolved not to preach to anyone, nor to think negative thoughts about anyone or to judge or ciritcise anyone no mattter what they do, to just stay in the balanced part our or mind by saying “Satnaam”. And to stay out of the constructive (desires) and destructive (negative) sides of the mind. We have been washing everyone’s feet in our mind whilst reciting, “Haumai nahee tuhee tu – No ego, Only You” Simran. We felt love for everyone in this way. Made us realise deep down that we have been holding back in our relationships with others in the family and at work because we have labelled them as non-sangat and we don’t have anything in common with them. But now we are working on correcting this, on self-correction as stressed to us by Dassan Dass ji a couple of weeks ago. That we have done enough seva helping others and now need to concentrate on self-correction. That gave us great sense of freedom, to stop worrying about others and to give them solutions to their problems. Instead, just to listen to them, understand their struggless, their hopes, their dreams etc, but without judging them, or ciritcising them or even giving them philosophy lessons on karma and pain and suffering etc.
Just to see all as Hukam, They, just as I am, are all playing out our Karma. So all is perfect – “Jo Tera Hukam ha – all is your command” as someone Ji says to us so many times.
Have realised with the relatives here to just be a family man and keep to ourself and do as much simran, bhagti, good deeds and only tell about the path of Prema Bhagti (loving devotion) if they ask. Our brother-in-law D – a really hardworking truck driver, did ask. So we said to him, “Is this all there is to your life – work for your family, accumulate and die? Gurbani is the greatest gift God has given us, listening to it while you drive is not enough, you have to earn it. Give up lying and cheating and do Truthful deeds and remember Truth – Satnaam.” He understood.
Spoke to our 16 year old nephew about how we used to be the odd one out at school due to having a turban and not being allowed to go to parties, and about the best times being we were part of the basketball team winning everything. Didn’t expect him to have similar issues right now in his life as he has cut hair and full freedom to go out and about, but Baba ji obviously made us talk about those experiences of ours so he would relate to them and open up his own heart. He said there was so much pressure from his coaches and other players in his American football college team to take steriods (they are only 16 years olds!!!) and in his skateboard crowd, all his friends were taking drugs now. As he didn’t indulge he had lost his friends and left both activities, and lost all the attention he was getting from girls as he used to be one of the popular guys. That hurt him a lot inside he said as he slapped his chest. He said we were only the second person he had ever told about this. We spoke to his mum about it, but didn’t tell her anything he told us, just asked her what her son’s school life was like. She knew about the drugs and and the pressures as he had told her. But we realised he hadn’t told her how it had emotionally hurt him. We asked if her ever discussed his feelings with his Dad, she said no as his Dad would just go and tell everyone else in his extended family. So the nephew was growing up learning to put on a macho face. He even said to his nine year old brother on several occasions when he was hurt, “boys don’t cry” and “don’t be a girl.”. Its all ego face killing his own heart and killing his brother’s heart as well. What’s wrong with talking about feelings and emotions? Why is it in their family (and in ours when growing up) that feelings are laughed at and seen as a sign of weakness? Ego and pride.
We went to Disneyland and their mum and dad were forcing the nine year old to go on a roller coaster. He refused then they grabbed his arm and dragged him forward, leaving him no choice but to scream and shout and cry his head off in a tantrum in the queue to get away. We said to the parents we didn’t want to go either as we feel sick on the rides and were happy to sit on the side with him. Still they were using all the excuses, “You wont get any more treats today if you don’t go? Be a man…” We just said to them , “Its supposed to be fun for the kids coming here, not torture.” Then they let him go. We spent the next 10-15 minutes reassuring our nephew that it was good he listened to his heart, that its ok to say no, that when he’s older he’ll go on lots of roller coasters, so not to worry about anything. When his parents came back they ridiculed him, saying, “that ride was so babyish- you could have easily done it.” He replied, “My heart said not to do it.” Then the mum burst into laughter and sarcastically said, “O your heart told you!!”.
We pray for them all to kill ego and live heart to heart, that’s their karma playing out. Ardas is the most powerful thing we have, Baba ji save the burning world. Baba ji told us that without Naam, the story in every house is a story of Maya, a story of destruction.
Went to Disneyland for the last three days as the family wanted to, it was quite tiring physically, and mentally it was very easy to start going back into Maya thinking and desires. We wondered why do people love Theme parks so much? Obviously for the thrills, the sights and sounds. So it’s all for the pleasure of the five senses including fast foods and restaurants. As we walked around we didn’t go on most of the rides as we feel a bit sick on them nowadays and sat with our nephew. We just tried washing everyone’s feet and having love for SatNaam which is in each heart, rather than trying to judge them for indulging in Maya. We just said to Maya, “this theme park is not tempting us. It has no attraction for us. We are here only to help kids and family, not for ourself. It wasn’t our desire. Satnaam.” Felt Baba ji close to us at times when we did humble ardas like that.
On another day trip, there was about 15 of us (kids and women too) and we went hiking in an 1800 acre State Park, but got lost after about 5 hours of walking – with no one to ask for help (and whoever we did ask previously sent us in the wrong direction) – just trees and mountains all around and the scorching sun.. Just kept on doing our SatNaam simran inside and our brother-in-law said let’s go this way and we ended up coming out onto a very busy road. No pavement, no phones, no house, just fast cars speeding by as we all waited on the side looking like a group of abaondend mexican refugees! No one was stopping to help us, after about 20 minutes our brother-in-law D flagged down a car. It was a hippy type of guy – ONE LOVE – who gave them a lift for 4 miles to get our minibus, he gave them his CD called “ETERNAL LOVE”, we knew it was Baba ji in him come to help us. [Baba ji told us later in the holiday if we are ever lost or confused, just to STAND AND BE SILENT. To physically stop, stand still, come to balanced mind, do our Satnaam simran, then wait for the answer. The answer may come from someone else’s mouth, a comment, or a thought. And if no answer came, then the answer is to do nothing.] After that incident, it gave us so much faith as well not to have fear of going into the unknown, to trust that if we are doing our Satnaam Simran Baba ji is always there with us. So not to have so much fear when at home of doing things outside of our comfort zone wether at work or with new situations, or feeling we need to plan things to the minutest detail to avoid any lack of control of what may happen. Prtiam Anand Ji also said to us before that once we have Baba ji’s blessing (GurPrasaadi Naam) that we don’t need to worry about anything. Also after seeing the kindness of the guy who stopped to help, we thought if we had been in the car and someone was asking for a lift, we would have driven past with thoughts of ‘stranger-danger’, so it was also a lesson for us to see Baba ji in everyone and to also practise what we preach – to stop and help others and take a risk.
The other day were given a beautiful dream by God. Baba ji was infront of us as we lay doing Dandauth Bandhna. All we could see were his bare feet and calves as they danced (in Indian Kathak style). Then we heard his laughter and felt Baba ji pulling an invisible tablecloth from within us. From the tips of our toes to the top of our head this sheet of filth was yanked out by Baba ji. We woke up and could actually feel tingling of amrit in our feet after that.
The other night we also vaguely remember spending all night with T ji and remember seeing his head and face for the first time (haven’t met him physically).
Our prayer now is that we keep Baba ji’s lotus feet in our heart. That we keep His Naam, SatNaam, in each and every part of our body. That we drive out our ego day and night. That we fall into the Ocean of Love and Light that is called Prabh Jyot Prabh Naam – God’s Light God’s Name – SatNaam.
We have taken media equipment to record what happens, but mostly we want to just sit, be quiet , become the lowest and do our Naam Simran without getting into too many conversations. We will see what happens as He wishes. Bhagti is in His hand after all, not mine. All we have is Ardas , “Visar nahee datar apanaa naame deho. Gun gava din raat nanak chao eho.” – Please don’t forget about me O Great Giver, and give me your Naam. May I sing your praises day and night, this is Nanak’s desire.