Lifestory: First Janam (Birth)

[EDITOR’S NOTE:  This first birth story is millions of years ago when the soul first came into creation.  It is also in a parallel universe (hell realm) that is run by Kali Mata (female destrucive force, as opposed to Devil who is male destructive force).  To read more about these parallel universes and how it relates to our mind click here.]


She sat, then she stood up, then she sat ‘OMMM’ the walls shake, she’s frustrated, she stands up, ‘how could I miss the opportunity’. Then she rampaged her kingdom, tearing it apart, then she calmed. Psychotic can be the chosen word, the ego flatulence of cosmic power would be the philosopher’s description. In my opinion she was just being herself. Spoilt, and an abuser of power, she loves with furious passion, she hates with the most evil of stares making plans of how to castrate her enemy to slice and dissect arteries to form necklaces. Demented is her way, her personality would shift with ease.


I’ve seen her in the most popular of forms, the black skin red tongued mutation of a monster, the grey faced beautiful grandmother who is capable to walk in Samadhi, and the sexual, beautiful, diamond wearing queen, hour-glass body, the fairytale goddess, ripe skin, toned complexion- an image of fantasy.


Word had arrived that the Demons Brothers who took on the Sat Yug were destroyed, she was happy, she would of joined them in War but they didn’t get on, they spoke different languages and the fact that she wanted to be self proclaimed ruler of the dharma, hence mother doesn’t want to share. She persuaded them to follow her allegiance, being of the god race/caste, but they laughed, showing there Siddhi Skills derived from dark intelligence. She allowed them and sent them on there way with a huge smile, and leaving party, the second they left she cursed them with all her might, cursing and insulting as the hours past she eventually retired for the evening.


On learning that the warrior Dhust Dhamana who was previously considered to be just a courageous god blessed man was actually the creation of a Rikhi. Paro (her ever-loving sidekick) explained to his queen, how a man was created, he wasn’t a re-incarnated soul sent down by the Gods, he was fresh off the block. It was unheard of and unknown, you cant just create, the power of the creation has to derive from a source, but the source is hard to get to, he (the source) doesn’t talk to the god race, he doesn’t like them as they broadcast lesser world being’s to follow them, rather than the one source. 


She sat lost, puzzled, then in stillness then nothingness. Paro innocent and naïve ‘the rikhi has been said to of sat in Samadhi for many yrs and figured out the laws, to create his Khatri, can’t you perform the same feat mother’ The mother sharpens her stare to the eyes of Paro, she’s vexed, fearing for his life he persists ‘he is of men you are of the gods.’ She smiled ‘thank you my beloved devotee.’


Several days had passed. She has her disciples at full pace to find a cave in the mountains, and only to return once they find a cave where above the hollow deep setting, sits a V above for light to access the cave.  Wide at the top, as the light flows down it turns into a pin size dot – a funnel shape if you will. The mountains of the lower realm are surreal in image, countless smooth edged black boulders mounted upon each other to the height of several Everest’s spanning millions of miles. No one can just climb the mountains unless they have strength of the gods, fingertip size holds/ grabs were available, and no rock climber could hammer his way and grip himself up these mountains. In the centre of the world is a flat rugged terrain where her palace sits in an area of 60000 sq miles.


They found the cave, she left them leaving Paro in charge, before entering she looked up at the red and black sky, this the natural sky color of the kingdom. She sat under the pin of light, adjusting her body to the point of the light being over the 3rd /temporal eye- the 6th Chakra. Years passed and she sat in her mystical state, trying to find the answer to creating a life.


Decades passed…


 Her eyes opened, she smiled. She returns to a glorious welcoming court. ‘I will have a son, he will be the most intelligent, beautiful, cunning, strong warrior’ he will be born with love of Samadhi, master of literature, war, politics, games, he will take our people to great feats through the power of his free-mind, he will act on his own accord and will answer to know one and obey out of love. He will test, he will practice and configure his own doctrine.’


The crowds hailed victory to the mother’s name, I command all of you to bless this child will penances and austerities, meditate for his name.


Returning to the first wing of the palace, she now has the power and knowledge, her realm dwellers paid sacrifices, prayers, poojas, meditation, austerities, raising one arm while praying or lifting a leg in specific postures, beating themselves. While the mother created her black nectar blessing it with a thousand spells, to make her perfect son. He was still a notion of thought yet she loved him greatly, spinning and dancing in her tantric flow, as if she had overdosed on her passions, entering random states of consciousness tripping over herself, rolling around in a confuse of dizziness and haze lasting 40 days.

She wanted to give birth through the womb, she wanted to feel her child, be every part of her child, and the unspoken bond is her hearts contempt. Dancing erratically she stopped, she screamed, laying on her back body stretched out across the hard cold floor, she sat up, her high priests ran in, realising what is happening calling on the maids to help the mother. The labour was very painful for her, she screamed like a human.


A little boy,


 She smiled, she seemed human, she showed human affection holding his hand with her finger, and she loved him more than anything with valour of description. Looking at her face, I stand watching as if its some kind of play being performed in front of my eyes I feel like crying and holding her, its going to be ok Ma… but that’s not how it works. She laughed such a beautiful giggle so soft, full of pride of her precious new born, the laugh of a real mother, holding him to her heart, while her consorts sat and smiled, they were proud to be followers of the new member to the royal family.


A god-prince was born, the son of ‘a’ goddess, not just any god but one of the most revered goddesses in existence, they praised him, spoilt him, over-fed, blessed him, loved him and honoured him to the point of self-sacrifice to keep the child smiling for another day. The child became the heart to the soul of all realm dwellers. He grew with the best of education of the best scholars, yogis and masters of martial arts. At 14 he stood to the earthly equivalent of 6ft 1inch, feminine facial features, tall and heavily muscular with sharp toned definition, a son proud enough to call your child. He was the perfect mummy’s boy. Dressed in the garments of the next king, on grand processions he would be found wearing an abundance of gold and diamonds, stones of many colours, crowns and accessories such as gauntlets, body armour. When to be left in peace he would wear his black shawl, made of the lightest of materials, to be wrapped as a form of toga leaving one arm covered and the other to have an arm bracelet made of gold and diamonds around the top of the bicep.


His knowledge became vast, a self-proclaimed philosopher, a newly appointed General in the art of war. Abiding to his mothers command at her every whim, he would be sent with battalions to conquer neighbouring kingdoms of the red sky realm. 15 years of age, and is now already a warrior, expanding his mothers provinces he would fight his battles with ease, return home, receive his blessings, away from the attention and the glamour he would go to his vast library, and read his next book. He was a true bookworm, always eager to learn, he lived by his motto Knowledge is Power. At the age of 17 he had grown to his final height of 6ft 4 inches, his campaign attacks to neighbouring kingdoms had always ended in triumph 7 in the space of two years were conquered.


The prince had read many books in his short life, from maths to secrets of the Siddhis. He received the blessing of free-will when he was born, he had never exercised such an action, as he never previously had a reason to go against the will of his people and most importantly his mother. He configured from all that he had read a missing link, nothing made sense to him, he became lost in his knowledge, intellectual he maybe, but the intelligence to configure this puzzle left him in a confused and weary state.

Paranoia of a conspiracy for the Divine Knowledge didn’t feel like the whole Truth; So confused he shunned his maids, servants and invitations to feast from the queen’s court.


The prince configured the solution that, the ‘One’ link is being hidden on purpose or unintentionally, but he couldn’t run the risk of asking or speaking on the grounds of such a link, as he could lose his un-born discovery before he even realises what the content of discovery is.  He returned to his mother’s court, curiosity aroused the congregation but he insisted that even leaders need time to reflect, they honoured his answer and the subject was forgotten.


During the banquet, a head disciple presented a message via scroll, that her highness, young prince and 5 disciples are invited to the coronation of a king in a higher realm. This kind of thing happened once in a while, all gods in existence would go to give there blessing as if it was a law. The queen was more than happy to go, she wanted to show off her son, the one the God’s had heard of but never crossed paths with. – I wasn’t exactly a scripted pregnancy, I knew I was different but I assumed my birth wasn’t a genre-jumping event. Looking back I’m not surprised we never crossed paths, as I was an upset to there balance.


In the following days, we ride off on the chariot to next realm. To try and imagine it, consider a thousand royals who are all related, they enjoy bitching and boasting, argumentation, bullying, ganging up on each other, always eager to meddle even though when reality hits no one is related. The Gods are a race, and because other abstinent life forms cannot keep to our ‘grace’ we formed as a huge family. I’d read of the blue sky, but never witnessed one until that day, it was very pretty, and there was so much light in the sky and on the ground, palaces of gold, marble and non-earthly materials, waterfalls, blossoming flowers, a true Dubai themed holiday resort.  I have to admit I was taken by it, but I continued to walk by mothers left side, always facing forwards, discipline is my life, I am a soldier even off duty. Allocated in a round court, we bare gifts as did all the others to this child sat on his throne, every god was instructed on there turn to gift and bless the child. On our turn many, if not the majority of heads turns to watch Mother and Self. Eyes of open reception brought intrigue, sexual lust, jealousy, disappointment, insult, anger, deceitfulness, I could feel it, I could see it.


After the procession was over, a huge banquet is held, musician’s play, dancers dancing and our disciple’s return to sit with us, as they are not allowed to be apart of the blessing ceremony. A huge party, some are enjoying the spectacles of the dancers, others are laughing joking, others sitting in complete harmony – a pure stillness of nothingness, child god’s and goddess’ running wildly, others sitting in the lotus position, a really messed up party as everybody is doing what they want to do, there is no stature, its just do what you want – when you want.


I left to take a look around the landscape exterior of the palace, I could but help think how beautiful it was, I sat in a huge marble gazebo over looking a lake with waterfalls and fountains springs. So blessed by its beauty, I had desired to touch the waterfall, I made sure no one was looking and hopped my way across the rocks, to reach the waterfall with my fingertips. It felt very refreshing, but I stopped. My senses equine to me being watched, I felt a tad embarrassed, but I turned around with poise to confront my voyeur. There standing at the banks of the water, stood a goddess dressed in a pink sari, she was very pretty, you could tell she is one of the higher goddess’s it was too obvious, she stood like a True Rani.. a Rani to Ranis. She giggled when I looked at her, it made me smile, but it was more than a facial expression, I felt my heart was smiling, similar to that of an adrenaline rush but one that can be controlled. I felt so happy and at peace, I walked over to her said nothing and bowed.


‘You have a great innocence to you, I didn’t expect it from you…… don’t worry it’s a good asset to have’ I thanked the queen and asked her name. She was the famous goddess Lakshmi Matha, she told me I am on the right path, keep searching for the missing link, I was surprised for her to know. ‘So the link does exist’ the prince asked. She explained many of the higher God’s know but they don’t refer to it due their great ego. She saw my deep intrigue and sat me in the gazebo, she explained there is a source of power, made of white light so powerful the greatest of the gods share no comparability to be even compared against the feet of it’s entity-That is the missing link. “So why didn’t the gods speak of it”, she explained the majority are power mad and cannot conceive the idea of never being able to reach such a high status, but what they are aware of is that the power does not intervene and so the higher gods have taken advantage, being in there own realms blessed to them by the white light, they formed religion to there name on the lesser plains, gaining spiritual energy of the follower through there every prayer and sacrifice. You see every being or life force is made of energy, when the beast is sacrificed the energy content that made his life possible goes to the God (Deity) in which it is endowed, the same be it for the being who pays penance to the God.


Where in the lesser God’s case they have no awareness of the supreme, and therefore when in a crisis of there own, they would seek help from Brahma (there supposed creator), or Vishnu, Shiva or Matha Durga. To the sympathy of the god’s for those who had searched they foresaw Brahma as the missing link, the creator to the creation of all including the gods.


Everything the goddess said made sense, but it didn’t complete my enlightenment for at this stage to which I am writing in my present day life, I have not yet completed the path. The words expressed to me opened the gate to the path; I had to walk the path alone. A fool that I am, she told me to meditate on the truth, find the truth, I didn’t realise at the time that the truth is name of the energy I am searching for, but considered it as a figure of speech, to which I lost thousands of years to contemplation of configuring the source I am chasing.


I returned to the great hall after being interrupted by one of the disciples as my mother requested my presence. She was aware I had spoken to the Goddess and her facial expression was very wicked but she covered it with a smile. We returned home, both of us with plans of our own. The queen and the prince had there own agendas, the young prince returned to his vast library to seek knowledge to find a closer link to his ‘missing link’ while the queen had plans to exalt new attacks on larger kingdoms of the nether world.


When summoned to the meeting with her generals, we stood proud and asked mother ‘what’s the point, we are gaining nothing from this’ answering back in any form is not something to be recommended, insulted she felt but she laughed it off, ‘to be the perfect lord, you have to be the perfect practitioner, exercise your skills and learn from your mistakes’. The answer was more than respected but the question was returned ‘ true a general must exercise his skills, but many are being annihilated for no reason, as the remaining kingdoms express nothing but peace with us, we should unite and stay strong with them, how else can our respect to blossom like a rose,’ that’s when everything went sour, the consortium were asked to leave. My mother waited for all to leave, and turned facing me ‘ what did she say to you’ referring to Lakshmi Matha, ‘ she has turned you against your mother’ where in fact no such conversation of war or my mother took place, I tried to persuade her but doubt was left in her mind, a huge argument built and seeing the bigger picture I asked the random question ‘Am I only here for war, all you have me do is increase your land and dwellers, and wipe off any being that comes in your path’ She backed off, holding me close, asking for forgiveness, I was yet unaware of what I was to forgive, nothing made sense. Why did she back off when I said that. Kissing me repeatedly on the forehead speaking softly saying never to raise my voice to the mother- a mother’s seduction to control her child.


I apologised for upsetting mother, but the view stood strong, born with a free will and until I saw righteousness in a topic I won’t abide by it.  I left for the next doomed kingdom with the army, 150,000 plus parchments of infantry from other regions of the Queens newly formed kingdom against 50,000. I verbally battled to an agreement with the King of the opposition and made him aware that there is no point to shed blood, but to follow the command of the Black mother. He knew we spoke a sufficient argument; he bowed in honour surrendering to the rule of our Queen, adding the 8th new state to her borders. The battle was configured with words of intellect and we returned home, anger ensued the queen more than that I had ever seen in my 17 short yrs of existence. ‘WHY DID YOU LET THE RAJ LIVE?!?!’


 It turned out I should have killed the royals, as now they upset her diplomacy of hierarchy. She was so angry, her face kept changing colour with her mood from, beautiful bronze to grey to black. I spoke to the high priest advisors, once she separated from the argument after damaging chairs, tables, and ornaments in sight. I asked him why does she crave blood, why does she want power. Brainwashed as he was he expressed the beauty of the Black mother, but to me it was just nonsense, drinking the blood of evil to save humanity and beings of endless races, the destroyer of evil, she must ask for there blood, this is how the masters created her etc

  All I saw and felt is: she is evil, she drinks the blood as the human drinks alcohol, craving the more expensive wines of royalty, power obsessed/mad/hungry. Then it clicked ‘You’re her pawn’ referring to self.


Great shrouds of mystery sat around my birth and the distance kept from my father whom I had never met. Being brought up in such surroundings it becomes natural for One to not ask questions at a young age, hence innocence is your living. With age wisdom brings curiosity, that or stupidity.


I felt I must investigate my birth further, all I knew was that my father was some great higher god who lives an ascetic life far beyond any of the gods reach, meditating in peace to discover greater power. Yet if they loved each other enough to marry, why didn’t she ever speak of him, and when someone did, it would be a priest or older disciples trying to persuade or praise me of my lineage. The question came, why did he leave, is he really meditating or did his love turn against the queen. Poetry was written in the inoculation of my birth but it was simplistic and bias to an extent scripting the wonders of the gods, of amazing magic, miracles, ‘the gods came and blessed the child to be a great warrior, to be an ever-ruling master’, out of the 100 line poem I remembered those two lines, they just stuck in my mind it wasn’t self flattery, it just felt right to remember those lines.


Now more lost and confused than ever at17 years of age we have mystery wrapped around our birth, a wondrous-god as a father whom we had never met, a relatively strange mother who comes across a powerful outcaste to her given family, millions of blind followers who have no idea what’s going on but smile with real joy to the requests of there Queen and then this source of white of light, this ultimate power, I still didn’t know what that was.


All that confusion and they expect me to run a kingdom I confronted my mother in her quarters where my interruption disrupted her pleasuring from her servants and disciples, the sexual beings quickly left the chamber to the anointment of my outburst. She laid there on her bed smiling and angry, she was proud how I struck fear into her disciples and for my disruptive attitude and angry for the lack of honour shown towards my Queen. I wasn’t one of meditation as my mind worked a million miles a minute, stood wearing my black shawl I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was my stepping-stone to meditation as I felt so much peace I was more than confident in the question that I was ready to ask ‘What are you hiding from me?’ 

‘What are you referring to?’ she was interested to hear me out, non-surprisingly because there was more than one topic she was hiding from me, and wanted to know which one it is. I knew that at the time, because I felt it, from looking at her eyes, I was strong in the mortal sense (a brute), spiritual power was there but not greatly practised, still a young man who is blessed with an ‘immortal life’ I presumed that much time is available to pass through the phases of shakti, well that’s what I thought at the time.


“Where is my father?”, “he left for astral plains to meditate in peace” “when did he leave?”, “he left after your first year, he loved you from the moment he saw you, very proud to watch you grow, he said he will return once you are all grown up after you fulfil his commands.” I was speechless as I only heard of his name, to which now I’m being told he left me commands.  “What are his wishes?” “A scroll of his commands, father to son” “ I’m being made aware now after all this time?” “You wasn’t ready before, but now your mind is eager, now you are ready.”


Frustrated, I couldn’t ask more questions, “when will I receive the scroll mother”, “Sunrise, once I’ve performed the correct penances to bless the en-listed commands.” I walked away with my head down, before I passed through the doors of the chamber “Your father is a Great God, they taunted him and cursed him, to keep you safe he left so you never have to witness the wrath of curses placed upon him, this is why I push you to be sole ruler of all the kingdoms, because those wretched beasts with their dark evil are the true tyrants, if they witness great intellect they take offence and destroy it, this is why your father had to leave”.


Naïve I accepted the queens words, I felt a fool for upstaging her, I felt wrong and ashamed of myself. No child takes their mother to be a conspirer, I truly believed her “ Ma, what if they feel threatened by my intelligence?” she smiled, “it was too late for your father to redeem himself, but you still have a chance, you have the potential to gain more power than any God ever could, have faith in your mother, all will be revealed, go and rest my Prince, she stood before me and kissed me on the forehead.

 I left in deep thought, passing the 7 priests and servants waiting outside in the hallway “you can go back in now” they bowed and went back into the queens chamber, leaving me to a sleepless night.

The presentation was performed there sat in stillness, awaiting this scroll, placed in my hand by the high priest. I opened the scroll, I read the commands of Lord Shiva.


I accepted but not with a true heart, I complied because it is father’s whim for me to do this. All I saw is wrong, the army was summoned and we rode to the next kingdom, we took them by surprise.


The prince entered the city killing every opponent in his path the city was sacked not one soldier was left to suffice. I had never entered a city during battle nor gone within city limits, the screams of mothers and children crying haunt me to this day. His kingdom has gained a new province, they hated me I could feel it, I felt so wrong, I didn’t like the commands that I had received, I held a brave face as I walked the steps of the newly taken royal palace, as my men aligned the steps to the order of military consignment. Hundreds of thousands watched me to see the prince who killed their sons, fathers, brothers… loved ones, I could see the lust in the eyes of my men, they were keen to taste the companionship of the widowed. My eyes felt so heavy, my body felt so weak, I continued my charade of the prominent leader, entering the palace to be bathed by maidens, to wash the blood off my body.


I sat so perfectly still, touching me and caressing me removing any trace of the murders I committed. My focus was on one thing, I just stared at the open space, to awake from my daydream fully cleansed and clothed, I asked not to be clothed in my royal garbs of gold and jewel encrusted embroidery but my black toga and shawl. I asked everyone to leave. I sat on the cold floor and cried my sorrows, interrupted by a knock at the door, “my Lord the congregation has been summoned they await you at the royal balcony”. This is where I address the remaining people of the nation who are now enslaved to my household’s needs, with a formal introduction and enforcement/threat to honour our laws.


I washed the tears away, the cold water touching my eyes sent a calm in me, and the idea came. It felt like the only way forward, I took my sword, bow, arrows, shield and gauntlets, I summoned my soldier into the room, “Jaya take my horse to rear of the palace, so I can sacrifice it myself in my mothers name, only you must know about this, otherwise you will upset the order of the Gods” more than happy to follow his masters command, he did as he was told. I could hear the crowd outside, they were getting louder, I could sense the whole city waiting for my speech. I left for the back of the palace….


At a fast pace I walked through the halls of the palace, hearing the crowd my heartbeat gets stronger with their cries, I had to move faster my walk turned into a jog and from a jog into a run. The palace was deserted, I could still feel and even see the energy of the monarch and their many servants who resided there only several hours before.


I came and destroyed their happiness, and took there purpose, many were killed across the hierarchy of wealth from the pauper to the king himself, but the pauper has seen the most harsh of times and lived through them, I asked myself what came of those I dethroned and threw into streets. My heart told me, they would be raped beyond measure or kept as bounty to be servants or even the wives of my generals.


In case your wondering I only found out a short while ago that they were raped on numerous occasions and made to work unclothed as servants in the house of the black mother, until she got bored of them and they couldn’t be humiliated anymore, leaving them in the wilderness to fend for themselves.


Running down the steps in the vast empty courtyard, Jaya stood 10 paces from the steps with Daigah, my beautiful steed. He was black in colour with white running down his nose between his eyes and white hair on his feet. Not your average horse based on the Arabian build but a great competitor to the Clydesdale/Shire. Heavy and bulky standing tall at 21 hands yet he was so swift and graceful and ran like a bullet, he was a true companion. I felt his heart and he could feel mine.


I ordered Jaya to leave immediately and mounted Daigah, I placed my shawl over my head and roared to explain my urgency to leave, the noble steed countered out under the arches of the courtyard at a great shift of acceleration to barrage across the well-maintained gardens and scaling the high wall of the palace. Hard left and then at a full sprint, a dead end is coming up, sharp right, full sprint again, travelling at haste through the empty city streets trying to find an opening to get out of the city walls, continuing for 500 yards, looking left and right I see an opening, “WOHHH!!” I turn him around and turn to my right, I see nothing but wilderness ahead through the harsh plains we went at a continuous sprint for 4hrs.


  I finally brought him to a halt, after travelling a mile between a mountainous pass, under the cover of the mountains I dismount to retrace my thoughts and to try retrieve sanity as I had no idea where I was or where I was going. I sat for hours, I’m not much of a Yogi but I took a deep breath to calm my head, for the majority of the time I sat with an emotionless face. Then it began “what are you doing you fool, you have insulted mother and embarrassed yourself in front of all dwellers of the Khand, what is mother hiding from me, she’s hiding nothing I’m the loon, why am I so different, what did the gods do to my father, WHAT THE FUCKK IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!.”


My mind kept asking questions speaking a million words with every breath until I roared out my pain, I swear to this very day when I roared that mountain and the Khand itself shook. I roared all my energy away and my head felt very light, I fell and laid there, Daigah kept nudging me with his nose to lift my spirit, he didn’t like seeing me this way. “I have to find the truth but where do I start………. (silence) Lakshmi!” I said it, I have to go back to her I need more information, but I don’t know how to portal my body from this Khand to the next. I thought it was normal for me not to know but many and I mean many years later I realised it was a birth right to be educated in the power to that even a child god could perform the most greatest of feats to which teleportation was just a latter.


Regardless of weakness I meditated “OMMMMMMMM……. Lakhsmi deliver me to the truth” and I repeated it. It lasted several minutes and for some reason even to this day it happens to me, I just perform a random act feeling it is the right thing to do even with no assurance.


I got up and mounted Daigah, we set off – his gallop became a counter and through the mountain pass we went, I didn’t know where I was going but I had to go higher, and so climbed up the steep hills onto higher plains, I need to go higher, without a moments breath I focused Daigahs attention to the steep column which the people of the Khand called a mountain and directed the steed to run up it, he was fast he could do it, this horse is enchanted. His trust in me led him to counter the steep climb I held on tight and he ascended at great speed to a 90 degree vertical climb to surpass several thousand meters. I directed him to push away and fall back off the mountain face, he complied turning his body to face the direction of the great fall ahead, I had no fear and felt I was doing right even though I had no explanation for it.


We fell and I took a deep breath a thousand feet into the descent all time stops.  The world around me appears to be just a painting, and it disappears, I find myself falling through black, I can’t see myself. It wasn’t dark it was an abyss and I was floating through it, I wasn’t on Daigah anymore, he was not there, my head felt heavy like rocks on my eye lids forcing my eyes to close.