4. The Real Marriage Ceremony



With the Agami Anant Apaar and Beant kirpa of the Satguru Patshahi Patshah and Paar Braham Parmeshwar we are taking this opportunity to understand the true meaning of the marriage as described in Rag Suhi Mehl 4 (Pages 773-774) of Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.


According to the Gurbani only Akal Purakh is the Nar – Male, everybody else is a Nari – Female, the Almighty is the Khasam and we are all Naris – Females, and the true meaning of the marriage as spelled out in the said pages is the union of the Nari with the Nar – that means the union of our soul with the Akal Purakh – Paar Braham Parmeshwar.


The Nari – the Female soul who unites with Akal Purakh is called a Suhagan – Bride of Shri Akal Purakh. When a Nari – Female soul becomes a Suhagan – Bride of Paar Braham Parmeshwar, its bhagtee account opens in the Dargah of Akal Purakh.


The Female – Soul reaches this stage of spirituality, when the Jyot inside her is ignited and she becomes a Suhagan – Bride of Akal Purakh and this stage comes when with the Gurkirpa such a soul gets involved in a Gurparsadi Game.


The Gurparsadi Game starts with the Gurparsadi Naam, when Gurparsadi Naam – Satnaam is planted in the mind of a person, and this person goes in to Smadhi – meditation and then Sun Smadhi – deep meditation, when the Naam goes into the Surat – Chit – mind of a person, this is when a soul becomes a Suhagan of Akal Purakh.


This is when the real bhagtee starts and this happens when a soul is instituted in Karam Khand – the meaning of the word Karam signifies the divine blessings – Gurkirpa – Kirpa of Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar, which involves such a soul in the Gurparsadi Game which starts with a Gurparsadi Naam – Satnaam.


A soul remains a Suhagan until it completes the bhagtee and blessed by Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar as a Sada Suhagan – Bride of Akal Purakh forever, for all ages to come. Such souls completely unite with the Akal Purakh never to separate again from Him, they are absorbed completely in the Param Jyot Puran Parkash, and become a Pargateyo Jyot Puran Sant, Satguru and Puran Braham Gyani. Such spiritual blessings are received by a Sada Suhagan when she reaches the Sach Khand and completes her bhagtee.


This means that the Laava we take around Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji are not realized in full and complete sense until both husband and wife become Suhagans and then Sada Suhagans. The true marriage is complete only if and when both become Sants – Suhagans and then Sada Suhagans.


The four divine stages described in the Laava are being discussed in the following text, here we are not trying to translate the literal meaning of Gurbani, but we are concentrating on the real and deeper meaning of the divine words in simpler language which can be understood by a common person.


  har pehilarree laav paravirathee karam dhrirraaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.


  baanee brehamaa vaedh dhharam dhrirrahu paap thajaaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.

  dhharam dhrirrahu har naam dhhiaavahu simrith naam dhrirraaeiaa ||
Meditate on the Lord’s Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam.

  sehaj ana(n)dh hoaa vaddabhaagee man har har meet(h)aa laaeiaa ||
By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind.

  jan kehai naanak laav pehilee aara(n)bh kaaj rachaaeiaa ||1||
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. ||1|| |


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This is the first step that we are blessed to take in the direction of our marriage with Akal Purakh – Paar Braham Parmeshwar. This happens when we are blessed by the Almighty and by such divine blessings, which are known as Gurparsadi, we are committed to start moving on the path of bhagtee of Akal Purakh by following the directions given by the Guru. The Guru’s words are utmost important and it is mandatory to follow them with full and complete commitment and belief. Without following the Guru’s words with full belief and commitment this first step towards our marriage with Akal Purakh is not attained.


It is important to mention here that a lot of Sangat remains stagnant before this stage, because they don’t very religiously follow the Guru’s words. We will give you an example to explain – the Gurbani is telling us to completely surrender to the Guru – Tan Munn Dhan Sabh Saup Guru Ko (Surrender body, mind, wealth, and everything to the Guru).


Let us look at ourselves and make a judgment as to are we following this Guru’s word.


Have we surrendered our body in the service of the Almighty? 


Are we giving one tenth of our time to the Guru?


Are we giving one tenth of our earnings to the Guru?


Have we taken Guru‘s wisdom and are we following the wisdom given by the Guru?


There are many such divine laws of Puran Bhagtee defined by the Guru, are we following any of them with full belief and commitment? And if not then we will remain below this step until we start following the Guru’s words.


There is no other way to compensate for the deficiency created by not following the Guru’s words. The Guru’s words are same as Akal Purakh’s words and must be followed with full commitment and belief to pass through this first stage of marriage with Akal Purakh.


Again this is the beginning of a Gurparsadi Game because the Puran Satguru is the only one who can get us through this stage, He is the one who can bless us with Gurparsadi Naam, and only with His blessings we will be able to get over with all the distractions and distortions of mind, all the sins committed by us and all the mental sicknesses can be cured only by a Puran Satguru.


Naam is the religion, Akal Purakh Himself is the Dharam – religion, and the highest service of the religion is the service of Almighty and that is Naam Simran. The Naam becomes Simran with the blessings of a Puran Satguru who plants the Naam in the “mind” of a person, and this is the beginning of our soul’s marriage with Akal Purakh.


Such a soul is very fortunate one who have been blessed and accepted by the Almighty as a candidate for its marriage with Akal Purakh. Basically the first stage pertains to the Smadhi, when we go into meditation and deep meditation for longer periods of time – for hours together we are absorbed in the Naam Simran, this condition or stage has been defined as Karam Khand in the Jap Ji Gurbani.


har dhoojarree laav sathigur purakh milaaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being.

  nirabho bhai man hoe houmai mail gavaaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated.

niramal bho paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa har vaekhai raam hadhoorae ||
In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord’s Presence before you.


  har aatham raam pasaariaa suaamee sarab rehiaa bharapoorae ||
The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces.

a(n)thar baahar har prabh eaeko mil har jan ma(n)gal gaaeae ||
Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy.


  jan naanak dhoojee laav chalaaee anehadh sabadh vajaaeae ||2||
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. ||2||


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This is the second stage of our soul’s marriage with Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar.  At this stage our soul gets even closer to the Satguru and we realize more and more spirituality coming in ourselves as closer and closer we move to the Satguru by doing his Sangat, listening to His words and then putting His words in to practice in our daily lives.


The commitment to the Satguru and belief in Him is the key to success and is mandatory for success. The mind and soul are ‘purified’ and continue to be ‘purified’ and become fearless and the dirt of ego – Ahankaar is cleaned up and the soul becomes more and more blessed with high levels of spirituality.


At this stage we start to see God everywhere, in ourselves and in every one else. The entire universe appears to be belonging to us, nothing and nobody remains a stranger, every one seems to be a part of one family. This is a very high stage of spirituality, when we hear the Anhad Naad Dhunis – divine music in our Dassam Duaar. We remain absorbed every moment in the Almighty, we are continuously absorbed in Naam Simran.

har theejarree laav man chaao bhaeiaa bairaageeaa bal raam jeeo ||
In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love


  sa(n)th janaa har mael har paaeiaa vaddabhaageeaa bal raam jeeo ||
Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune.


niramal har paaeiaa har gun gaaeiaa mukh bolee har baanee ||
I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord’s Bani.

  sa(n)th janaa vaddabhaagee paaeiaa har kathheeai akathh kehaanee ||
By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord.

hiradhai har har har dhhun oupajee har japeeai masathak bhaag jeeo ||
The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead.


  jan naanak bolae theejee laavai har oupajai man bairaag jeeo ||3||
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. ||3||

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This is the third stage of our soul’s marriage – union with Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar. At this stage our thirst for meeting the Almighty becomes very strong.


We continue to remain in remembrance of the God all the time, this means that we go into an advanced stage of Naam Simran which is also known as Ajapaa Jaap, the Naam Simran goes on an autopilot mode inside our mind and hirdaa.


This is a very high stage of spirituality and is blessed upon the Suhagan by the Akal Purakh. At this stage we absorb ourselves completely in the Naam Simran, singing in praise of Almighty and just talk and listen only Gurbani and Kirtan.


This means that we start to get a deep happiness and sense of full silence of mind and hirdaa, and slowly we move towards complete stability of mind and hirdaa.


Such an advanced stage of spirituality is attained by doing the Sangat of the saints, this means that when we continue to do the Sangat of such enlightened souls who have realized the Almighty and become Puran Sants (Sada Suhagans), then we are blessed with higher spirituality and we move closer to meeting the Almighty. Such souls – brides – Suhagans are very fortunate who are absorbed continuously in the praise of the Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar. This is again a Gurparsadi Game and can’t be achieved without the blessings of Akal Purakh Paar Braham Parmeshwar through the Sangat of Puran Sants.


When a soul is blessed with such a high level of spirituality then that soul becomes completely truthful, sees the truth, listens to the truth, differentiate between truth and non truth, and above all starts to serve the truth and that is what happens when a soul goes in to Sach Khand, and then continues to do so in Sach Khand until it meets the Almighty.



har chouthharree laav man sehaj bhaeiaa har paaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord.




guramukh miliaa subhaae har man than meet(h)aa laaeiaa bal raam jeeo ||
As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body.


  har meet(h)aa laaeiaa maerae prabh bhaaeiaa anadhin har liv laaee ||
The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord.


  man chi(n)dhiaa fal paaeiaa suaamee har naam vajee vaadhhaaee ||
I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind’s desires. The Lord’s Name resounds and resonates.


  jan naanak bolae chouthhee laavai har paaeiaa prabh avinaasee ||4||2||
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. ||4||2||


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This is the fourth and final stage of the marriage – union of our soul with the Creator.


With the blessings of the Guru and Sadh Sangat, the soul and mind becomes completely stable and silent, they can’t be distracted by any worldly things, for that matter nothing in the universe can distract the soul and mind of such a Suhagan, at such a stage the soul merges with the Almighty and the union of the bride – Suhagan with the Khassam – Akal Purakh is completed. Such a person becomes Abhed – absorbed in the God, and there remains no difference between God and such a soul.


Such a soul becomes a Sada Suhagan, means forever it merges and becomes one with its Creator. Sada Suhagan is also called a Puran Sant, Satguru and a Puran Braham Gyani, and such souls always reside in Sach Khand and Braham Khand. 


Such an enlightened soul is always in very high spirits – Chad Di Kala. This means that the real Chad Di Kala is only in Sach Khand, which is enjoyed by the Sada Suhagans only. There remains an indestructible relationship between the Khassam and Sada Suhagan, this relationship is purely based on unconditional love for each other, this is the true love, this love is the absolute truth, and blesses the Sada Suhagan to serve the truth in the remaining of His life.


Such souls always remain in deep meditation and are engaged in serving the Hukam of Akal Purakh. Only a Sada Suhagan is a Khalsa and anybody below that is not a Khalsa – Puran Jyot Jage Ghat Me Tab Khalas, Tahi Nakhalas Janey (Such a man, in whose heart shines the full Divinely Radiant Light is a true a pure Khalsa.)


This is again a Gurparsadi Game and doesn’t happen without the blessings of Akal Purakh, a Puran Sant Satguru, a Puran Braham Gyani. The marriage of the Nari – our Soul to Nar – Khassam – Akal Purakh doesn’t happen without His own blessings.


Such blessings come to only those people who have done a lot of bhagtee and religious deeds in their past many lives. So in order to be blessed by Akal Purakh and getting involved in a Gurparsadi Game we need to concentrate our lives on such deeds which are true and lead us to the path leading to the discovery of the complete truth.


We should concentrate on Naam Simran and other such deeds, which will make us look good in the Dargah of Akal Purakh.


In the end lets look inside ourselves and make a fair judgment as to where do we stand as compared to these four stages of marriage of our soul to the Almighty.


By doing so we will at least know where do we stand and what do we need to do to start moving on this path of spirituality, and if we are already moving on this sacred path then what is our next step to follow.


Dassan Dass