11. Sexual Fantasy


I am in a great problem. Whenever I see any young lady, sexual fantasy take place in my mind.I always do simran for little time. ple inlight me. I m 27 yr old bachlor.


Thanks for being honest, bold and courageous by bringing your serious mental problem up for resolution.  This is called lust, which is a deep mental sickness. This has been called Kaam in Gurbani and is one of the Panj Doots – Kaam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Ahankaar. These doots are a part of the Maya, which has three attributes: Tamo, Rajo and Sato.  Please read the following Gur Parsaadee writings on the Maya, Panj Doots and Spiritual Cleaning.
 The Panj Doots fall under the Tamo attribute of Maya and Kaam – Lust is one of these Panj Doots, which is the problem you are facing. The truth is that almost all the people suffer from this mental sickness – or we can say a majority of the polulation suffers from this serious mental sickness. This mental sickness destroys a person mentally and physically. For that matter except the Sato attributes of Maya, the other two are very serious and damaging mental sicknesses. Only Sato attributes take you higher in spirituality and help you bring all the divine qualities inside you and delete all the bad qualities from your inside and help you balance your mind and bring it to stability. So concentrating on Sato attributes helps in bringing your mind under control and the best of the best Sato attributes is the Naam Simran – so we will very humbly request you to start focusing on Sat Naam Simran and you will start to have a control on your mind. Longer sessions of Sat Naam simran will eliminate your problem altogether – and whenever you see a women just try to see your own mother, your sister or your daughter in her, consider them as your mother, sister or daughter, and at the same time look at their feet and keep on reciting Sat Naam and your mind will start to become more and more stable. Getting married will also help you a great deal. We will  pray to the Akal Purakh for blessing you with the Gur Parsaad of Naam, Naam Simran, Naam Ki Kamai, Puran Bandgi and Seva.
Dassan Dass



Veer ji,
I can relate to what you are saying , i think many young single sikh men expereince the same feelings. I spent many years feeling guilty about my sexual thoughts and urges.  And religion only made me feel even more guilty.  But the more I supressed my sexual urges the more guilty I felt when I masturbated.   Even though I was wearing relgious uniform and praying all the time I couldnt beath the sexual desires and the fantasy and would end up watching late night soft porn movies.  Then feeling even more guilty the next day, running to the gurdwara doing more prayers.   Then even though i was trying to be pure and humble and looking the part with my relgious uniform and respect from relgious people and relgious girls, no one wanted to marry me.   If i was atracted to anyone I thought it was lust and didnt approach them to get to know them.  And that just led me to feeling more lonely and inflamed the sexual desires even more.   I used to not try to masturbate for as long as possible – managing 3 weeks once, but then the mind rebelled.
So this is not an easy path and relgious preaching by the mainstream does not help much.  God has created MAYA – attractions and temptations to things of the world.  And KAAM or sexual desire operates in each of us for a reason…to keep the creation going and to allow our karmic dues to be repaid.
There are three parts of maya that run the creation – sato, rajo , tamo.  There are three parts of the mind that operate under their influence.  I call them DESIRE PART, DESTRUCTIVE PART, and GOD-PART.   First you have to start observing your mind to see where your thoughts are coming from.   Sexual fantasy is coming from the DESIRE side.  You accept that inside yourself,  When you repress it it become destructive..so now you feel guilty for your sexual fantasy.  So you are on the other side of the mind.  And for most people in the world they go from one side to the other and get torn apart in the process ..as you are.  IT drains you of all your energy, self-belief, self-confidence.  Thats why these 5 passions are called 5 thieves – panj dhoots – they steal your lifeforce – your inner amrit.
How do you conquor lust?  You dont, only Guru’s grace does.   When i finally realised that I couldnt beat lust, note ven by looking like a tought saint-soldier on the outside and filling my head with stories of the brave sikhs of the past, then the verse from gurbani from dhan dha guru nanak dfev ji came “vaho vaho sachay ma teree tek, hau papee thoo nirmal ek” meaning “Wondrous wondrous True Lord, I seek Your refuge,  for I am a sinner ad Your the the PErfect One.”    What a revelation.  I finally realised that only God and the Guru are perfect everyone else is imperfect.  And trying to become perfect by my own means was trying to do it under the influence of my own ego.  And it was my own ego saying on one side “to be perfect you have to see sex as impure, a barrier to spirituality, hence sex and masturbation is evil.”  And when succumbing to those sexual desires then ego would say from the other side of the mind “you are such a bad person, you are a pervert, you are weak , you a fake – looking like a good sikh on the outside full of sex on the inside.”
Ego can only be beaten with Guru Grace – GurPrasad.  Dassan Das ji can give you GurPRasad because you have done the first thing to expose your ego and that is too really express from your heart how you are beaten down by ego making you feel bad about sexual desire.   Ego loves to hide in secret dark corners of your mind.  Meaning how many people would have confessed what you did in your email?  Or even thought what they were doing was bad?  Not many.  How many would have told you what I have told you about how my own mind operated ?  Not many, because it is ruining our reputation in repsectable society.  But it is the only way to expose and beat your ego.   You confess how you feel, what darkest thoughts are coming into your mind – instead of identifying with them, just observe them like they are somone leses thought, like you watch TV.  And let them come and go like clouds floating through the sky of your mind. Dont let them stick by letting your ego say “you are such a bad person for having those thoughts.”  and dont let your ego do the other side by saying “so what, its natural to have sexual fantasy – and I dont need God or relgion to make me feel guilty”
Keep emailing Dassan Das ji with the thoughts that are coming, keep offering and exposing them to God and Guru and enlightened souls. Keep falling at the feet of God and Guru and Dassan Das ji and saying “waho waho sachay ma teree tek, hau papee thoo nirmal ek.”
That will free your mind, free you of guilt.  And with blessing of gurprasadi naam you will keep your mind in the third part – the GOD part.  And when you stabilise here and fill with love, you will see all as great, all sexual union as God keeping Creation going – all as purely and innocently sa a child sees the world.  The simplicity and purity of God in everything – desire free and destruction free.  But to get to this stage you need to overcome sexual desire, so you have Dassan Das ji’s blessing, keep confessing and keep praying for the gift of gurprasadi naam from Dassan Das ji.  On a practical note, nature n your wants your genes to carry on and by still being single your are not going with the flow of nature, the HUKAM RAJAEE CHALNAA meaning you are not listening to your body and mind and getting married and reproducing and having a family.   So that is another reason why you are in mental turrmoil.  Guru Gobind Sinhg ji said love your wife more and more every day and dont look at another women even in a dream.  So for most people on the spriitual path we are not going to beat lust overnight, but by containgin it and giving it an outlet within marriage it can be slowly drained of its power over us.  And that is what has happened to me over the last 8 years of being married.  Sex does not bother me.  IF it happens with my wife then that is Gods will but i dont desire it nor chase it nor get attracted by other women.   Even in the act of sexual union keep doing naam simran and you see the god-part of sex.  God in the male loving the God in the female, God doing everything to Himself.
Baba Ji says that At one level nature is driving everything forward to reproduce, and sexual union in a divine sense is the temple of creation.  It is where God – the Creator Being – KartaPurakh is fashioning His creation.   This is the Highest Truth of Sex, and is what is meant by Tantric sex.  But this state of understanding and expreince is only really understood and expreienced by the enlightened souls.   For every one else sex is either driven by desire , what is called LUST.   The animal nature in us, the Lower Mind
So it is a journey for you to take frm going from your lower mind , your animilaistic mind compirsed of the Desire and destructive parts, getting Dassan Das ji’s grace confessing what your ego and lust and other thieves are doing inside you and exposing them of any power they have over you, moving more into the God-part of you – the higher mind by meditating on the SATNAAM mantra and stablising into the Light of God, where you will expereince the divine meaning of sexual union.


dust of your feet



H Ji:
Thanks for being so explicit, this is an excellent piece of divine wisdom you have earned, A Ji will definitely benefit from this, please publish this one for the benefit of other truth seekers as well, this is Gur Parsaad – deep divine wisdom, and how it is earned by Bhagat Ji  your Seva is incredible. God bless you with the Sada Suhag, this is our prayer for you day and night, with every breath of ours – God bless you with the Sada Suhaag and make you a Sada Suhagan. Sat Naam will not only help in winning over the Kaam, it will win over the Maya completely. Please send some detailed Gur Parsaadi writing s on Maya and its operation, mind and its operation and Sat Naam to A Jee as well. God bless him with the Gur Parsaad.
Thanks again, Dassan Dass
Satnaam ji,

forgive us sangat ji for betraying Satguru ji and ourself and committing heinous crimes under kaam’s control.  this loon-haraami forgot the words of Satguru ji that Dargah is watching us and masturbated yesterday. Although wanted to watch ugly stuff but Satguru ji saved us once again and we didn’t do that.
keep your feet on our head ji.

beat us with chittars and leather belts ji. blacken our face and make this gadha sit on another gadha and punish us hard ji. give us the hardest kick, smash our face ji.

we apologise for sending such words and negativity to all the Sant-brahmgyaani satsangat ji. this is all we have ji. we
r sorry.

SatNaam Veer ji,

God Bless you.    Good way to get over lust, is to go to sleep early, stay away from late night tv, porn websites.  Become solid in your amritvela 2.5 hrs.   If you are not married, then marriage helps alot, after you have kids lust naturally reduces.  Plus within marriage sex is not considered as lust as Dassan Dass ji has written, so there is no guilt and shame attached to it.  If you are not married and are young, then masturbation is your only outlet for this powerful energy within you.   Baba ji said that “masturbation is God playing with himself, teaching you about sex.  Otherwise your parents never taught you, so He teaches you himself.”   It is not shameful or to be feeling guilt about it.  It is made by the creator , it is part of your body and energy.  It is lust when the sexual energy, urges and cravings and desires RUN YOU, control you, make you into a slave.    Best thing we found was avoid external infulences like late night TV, porn websites, friends who are lustful.  Spend more time on amritvela and seva.   get married have kids.  And if you do masturbate once in a while as an outlet, then just do your Satnaam simran, rather than fantasising about anything else.  Keep your mind in the moment, keep doing Satnaam and then desire goes.  Baba ji said sex is not bad, it is man’s desire that is bad.  Baba ji said even during sex keep donig your Satnaam, dont become a slave to the enjoyment of sexual pleasure.
This path is not about making sex and masturbation as bad, then feeling it is a shameful act for which we must be punished.  you wont be able to stop masturbating, until much further into your bhagti when the job of sex is done.   so are you going to keep on feeling guilt and shame (destructive qualities) until that day?  
Dust of your feet.

Dandaut bandna ji.
Satnam ji,
              In the begining these attacks are common. we need to be really strong internaly, with simran otherwise we will always loose to these evils.

As our first step in bhagti is dharam khand. thats when we bring our life into discipline.
talking, eating, sleeping and all your daily routines should be in discipline.

there are only 2 ways to control the kaam that is by simran, and by eating in limits . overeating always creates kaam energy.

whenever we open the leash of mind( means not doing simran) it will be attacked from these evils. always ties a leash to the mind with simran and stay in present.

rest its natural that when ever this energy increases in your body then it has to come out either by night fall or other ways. So when ever we leave our mind ideal from simran it will either dream about porn when you are at young age or money, or arguments in your mind.

i think only weakness in ourself is lack of simran. when ever they attack try to fight back with naam simran, don’t surrender.

These r few thoughts from my donkey brain, rest sangat is wise they may help you in better way.
Dandauth Bandhna ji
Someone ji is only in his 20s when lust is most active in most young men, but he told us a while back, and we hope we understood correctly, that the way to overcome lust is whilst having a good amritvela routine and daily discipline as described above, is to hold off from masturbation for as long as you can, so perhaps 3 weeks before you sucuumb.  Then try again , maybe you hold off for 6 weeks and sucuumb.  Then hold for 9 weeks next time and you sucuumb.  Then hold off for 12 weeks and finally your mind gives in and you win over it.    Someone ji is dhan dhan.  When we were his age and doing our bhagti we couldn’t hold off for more than 3 weeks at a time and by then we were getting really lustful and on masturbating enjoying the release but feeling full of guilt and feelings of failure.  Then running to the Gurdwara to do our sevan and simran to get cleaned up again – peace of mind again.   In the end we realised we can never beat lust, its only ego to think so – akhan jor chupa na jor – no power to speak no power to be quiet as Baba Nanak ji writes.  Realised we have no power and we sung a shabad of Baba Nanak ji in which he wrote, “waho waheo sachay ma teree tek.  Hau papee tu nirmal ek – wondrous wondrous true One, I am sinner You are the Pure One.”  Which made us realise that we will always be asinner, a papee, no matter what we do , we are full of filth.  We then feel at SatGuru ji’s feet and gave in, realised we are always a sinner and HE is the only Pure One.  Battling with lust broke our ego that we could beat lust.  Great lesson that took years to learn.
Baba ji said that to overcome any desire there are two ways, either get the divine wisdom and give it up as someone ji did.  Or to indulge in that desire so much so that you see the heaven and then the hell of it and finally get sick and tired of it.  Then it can never bother you again. Baba ji gave the example that if a drunk comes to him and wants to give up, he says to him, “well just give it up, or if you can;t do that, then drink so much that you drink yourself to near destruction.  After which you will say “god please save me – NO MORE DRINK PLEASE.”  
So that is why on this spiritual path, for most people, the path of denial as Someone ji did, is very , very tough.  So the other path of getting married and then only having sex with your partner, have kids and as you get older the lust energy diminshes and fades away. Or in your unmarried days at least masturbation is better than sleeping around or sexually abusing someone.   When we we in our teenage years and 20s we could not hold off lust very well.  Now in our 40s after 12 years of mariage and two kids, it hardly bothers us.  We dont desire for sex, but as Baba ji says if it happens with our partner then that is hukam and a healthy marriage and natural cycle is having sex about once a month.  Baba ji also explained that masturbating often is using up alot of blood cells to create semen , which uses up your spiritual energy and wastes it in desire.    It is a tough one to beat – Lust – but it can be done with GurParsaad.  May take longer than our ego wants, that’s all, but learn to accept the hukam and natural cycle of sex energy in this body.  And come to peace with yourself and your sexual behaviour.
Dust of your feet.