17. Sexual Fantasy


I am in a great problem. Whenever I see any young lady, sexual fantasy take place in my mind.I always do simran for little time. ple inlight me. I m 27 yr old bachlor.


Thanks for being honest, bold and courageous by bringing your serious mental problem up for resolution.  This is called lust, which is a deep mental sickness. This has been called Kaam in Gurbani and is one of the Panj Doots – Kaam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Ahankaar. These doots are a part of the Maya, which has three attributes: Tamo, Rajo and Sato.  Please read the following Gur Parsaadee writings on the Maya, Panj Doots and Spiritual Cleaning.

 The Panj Doots fall under the Tamo attribute of Maya and Kaam – Lust is one of these Panj Doots, which is the problem you are facing. The truth is that almost all the people suffer from this mental sickness – or we can say a majority of the polulation suffers from this serious mental sickness. This mental sickness destroys a person mentally and physically. For that matter except the Sato attributes of Maya, the other two are very serious and damaging mental sicknesses. Only Sato attributes take you higher in spirituality and help you bring all the divine qualities inside you and delete all the bad qualities from your inside and help you balance your mind and bring it to stability. So concentrating on Sato attributes helps in bringing your mind under control and the best of the best Sato attributes is the Naam Simran – so we will very humbly request you to start focusing on Sat Naam Simran and you will start to have a control on your mind. Longer sessions of Sat Naam simran will eliminate your problem altogether – and whenever you see a women just try to see your own mother, your sister or your daughter in her, consider them as your mother, sister or daughter, and at the same time look at their feet and keep on reciting Sat Naam and your mind will start to become more and more stable. Getting married will also help you a great deal. We will  pray to the Akal Purakh for blessing you with the Gur Parsaad of Naam, Naam Simran, Naam Ki Kamai, Puran Bandgi and Seva.
Dassan Dass



Veer ji,
I can relate to what you are saying , i think many young single sikh men expereince the same feelings. I spent many years feeling guilty about my sexual thoughts and urges.  And religion only made me feel even more guilty.  But the more I supressed my sexual urges the more guilty I felt when I masturbated.   Even though I was wearing relgious uniform and praying all the time I couldnt beath the sexual desires and the fantasy and would end up watching late night soft porn movies.  Then feeling even more guilty the next day, running to the gurdwara doing more prayers.   Then even though i was trying to be pure and humble and looking the part with my relgious uniform and respect from relgious people and relgious girls, no one wanted to marry me.   If i was atracted to anyone I thought it was lust and didnt approach them to get to know them.  And that just led me to feeling more lonely and inflamed the sexual desires even more.   I used to not try to masturbate for as long as possible – managing 3 weeks once, but then the mind rebelled.
So this is not an easy path and relgious preaching by the mainstream does not help much.  God has created MAYA – attractions and temptations to things of the world.  And KAAM or sexual desire operates in each of us for a reason…to keep the creation going and to allow our karmic dues to be repaid.
There are three parts of maya that run the creation – sato, rajo , tamo.  There are three parts of the mind that operate under their influence.  I call them DESIRE PART, DESTRUCTIVE PART, and GOD-PART.   First you have to start observing your mind to see where your thoughts are coming from.   Sexual fantasy is coming from the DESIRE side.  You accept that inside yourself,  When you repress it it become destructive..so now you feel guilty for your sexual fantasy.  So you are on the other side of the mind.  And for most people in the world they go from one side to the other and get torn apart in the process ..as you are.  IT drains you of all your energy, self-belief, self-confidence.  Thats why these 5 passions are called 5 thieves – panj dhoots – they steal your lifeforce – your inner amrit.
How do you conquor lust?  You dont, only Guru’s grace does.   When i finally realised that I couldnt beat lust, note ven by looking like a tought saint-soldier on the outside and filling my head with stories of the brave sikhs of the past, then the verse from gurbani from dhan dha guru nanak dfev ji came "vaho vaho sachay ma teree tek, hau papee thoo nirmal ek" meaning "Wondrous wondrous True Lord, I seek Your refuge,  for I am a sinner ad Your the the PErfect One."    What a revelation.  I finally realised that only God and the Guru are perfect everyone else is imperfect.  And trying to become perfect by my own means was trying to do it under the influence of my own ego.  And it was my own ego saying on one side "to be perfect you have to see sex as impure, a barrier to spirituality, hence sex and masturbation is evil."  And when succumbing to those sexual desires then ego would say from the other side of the mind "you are such a bad person, you are a pervert, you are weak , you a fake – looking like a good sikh on the outside full of sex on the inside."
Ego can only be beaten with Guru Grace – GurPrasad.  Dassan Das ji can give you GurPRasad because you have done the first thing to expose your ego and that is too really express from your heart how you are beaten down by ego making you feel bad about sexual desire.   Ego loves to hide in secret dark corners of your mind.  Meaning how many people would have confessed what you did in your email?  Or even thought what they were doing was bad?  Not many.  How many would have told you what I have told you about how my own mind operated ?  Not many, because it is ruining our reputation in repsectable society.  But it is the only way to expose and beat your ego.   You confess how you feel, what darkest thoughts are coming into your mind – instead of identifying with them, just observe them like they are somone leses thought, like you watch TV.  And let them come and go like clouds floating through the sky of your mind. Dont let them stick by letting your ego say "you are such a bad person for having those thoughts."  and dont let your ego do the other side by saying "so what, its natural to have sexual fantasy – and I dont need God or relgion to make me feel guilty"
Keep emailing Dassan Das ji with the thoughts that are coming, keep offering and exposing them to God and Guru and enlightened souls. Keep falling at the feet of God and Guru and Dassan Das ji and saying "waho waho sachay ma teree tek, hau papee thoo nirmal ek."
That will free your mind, free you of guilt.  And with blessing of gurprasadi naam you will keep your mind in the third part – the GOD part.  And when you stabilise here and fill with love, you will see all as great, all sexual union as God keeping Creation going – all as purely and innocently sa a child sees the world.  The simplicity and purity of God in everything – desire free and destruction free.  But to get to this stage you need to overcome sexual desire, so you have Dassan Das ji’s blessing, keep confessing and keep praying for the gift of gurprasadi naam from Dassan Das ji.  On a practical note, nature n your wants your genes to carry on and by still being single your are not going with the flow of nature, the HUKAM RAJAEE CHALNAA meaning you are not listening to your body and mind and getting married and reproducing and having a family.   So that is another reason why you are in mental turrmoil.  Guru Gobind Sinhg ji said love your wife more and more every day and dont look at another women even in a dream.  So for most people on the spriitual path we are not going to beat lust overnight, but by containgin it and giving it an outlet within marriage it can be slowly drained of its power over us.  And that is what has happened to me over the last 8 years of being married.  Sex does not bother me.  IF it happens with my wife then that is Gods will but i dont desire it nor chase it nor get attracted by other women.   Even in the act of sexual union keep doing naam simran and you see the god-part of sex.  God in the male loving the God in the female, God doing everything to Himself.
Baba Ji says that At one level nature is driving everything forward to reproduce, and sexual union in a divine sense is the temple of creation.  It is where God – the Creator Being – KartaPurakh is fashioning His creation.   This is the Highest Truth of Sex, and is what is meant by Tantric sex.  But this state of understanding and expreince is only really understood and expreienced by the enlightened souls.   For every one else sex is either driven by desire , what is called LUST.   The animal nature in us, the Lower Mind
So it is a journey for you to take frm going from your lower mind , your animilaistic mind compirsed of the Desire and destructive parts, getting Dassan Das ji’s grace confessing what your ego and lust and other thieves are doing inside you and exposing them of any power they have over you, moving more into the God-part of you – the higher mind by meditating on the SATNAAM mantra and stablising into the Light of God, where you will expereince the divine meaning of sexual union.


dust of your feet



H Ji:
Thanks for being so explicit, this is an excellent piece of divine wisdom you have earned, A Ji will definitely benefit from this, please publish this one for the benefit of other truth seekers as well, this is Gur Parsaad – deep divine wisdom, and how it is earned by Bhagat Ji  your Seva is incredible. God bless you with the Sada Suhag, this is our prayer for you day and night, with every breath of ours – God bless you with the Sada Suhaag and make you a Sada Suhagan. Sat Naam will not only help in winning over the Kaam, it will win over the Maya completely. Please send some detailed Gur Parsaadi writing s on Maya and its operation, mind and its operation and Sat Naam to A Jee as well. God bless him with the Gur Parsaad.
Thanks again, Dassan Dass