Lifestory: Teen years to early 20s

Taking rest on the armchair we closed our eyes saying Vaheguru from the farthest depth of the soul, to find our self in the woods, somehow we had fallen into the subconscious.


The sky was white and trees had shed there leaves the ground was a mass of brown foliage. We turn to face another direction and a man passes from the right to left, 20ft away he turns his head and smiles.


He was an Akali (Immortal – rank of warrior), we recognised him straight away, features were sharp, his clothing, his turban, his blue shawl, his beard is so neat, his skin is so fair, his eyes are hazel and his presence.. his smile…he was Beautiful.


Our heart melted, we reached out to touch him “Papa…?” he disappears within a blink, we remained adamant to see him again and continued to walked through the woods for a short while and there was a clearing of land within the centre of the wood, where a white building stood, we walked towards it, and again he stands before us at the door to this building.


The building was small white in colour, Roman Corinthian in theme, 10 ft high 25 ft wide and 35ft in length. But in that building was everything, it was the door the final door it contained all the knowledge of the universe… Vidiya.- Dassam Duar.


We walked towards the building, but the beautiful Akali had lost his smile he turned his body in response and walked a pentra (pre-fight warm up movement) as indication that we cannot enter.  We did not take offence for we understood the message, we must rebuild Self, yes we have less brain activity than a retard but I am who I am and no Maya can stop me.



We bowed to the 10th Master and opened our eyes. We stopped trimming our beard and let it grow, we meditated in the morning and night, if we had a few spare minutes we would meditate again. We had to rebuild Self.  We was getting stronger slowly but surely.


Spies from the Lower World took watch of me, they didn’t come close, they just wanted to see how long the charade would last. They considered it a joke, we was deformed in their eyes we won’t be able to become a powerhouse again. Vaheguru Vaheguru, we would repeat our love for God day and night. “Father forgive me for going stray I am yours again”.


Back on the path again, pushing the body to the limit, meditating at all hours.  Vaheguru Vaheguru we was screaming for him, we was all over the place, we would fall asleep in the temple during Amrit Vela as we had taken to many hours of meditation earlier, regardless we could not stop.


We continued remaining secluded it seemed to be of benefit, so we can only focus in one direction. The world thought we were a weird bible basher, but who cares because we didn’t and right now that’s all that matters.


We wanted to get that vidiya so bad (desire), we would read continually day and night, sitting in our room, listening to the Masters through scripture, Sarbloh, Adi, Dasam and the Reigning King Dhan Dhan Shri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.  We would analyse the Sakhis, we continued our studies in all world religions, theories, science, our brain still operating off nothing, but the soul would feed off the Naam Jaap to give us the ability to read, write, analyse and conclude on the great texts that we had read.



17th birthday, As Amrit Vela came we went and washed this body in Amrit and took to Smadhi, nothing happened, nothing came. We didn’t say anything we didn’t speak for sometime. We accepted we had been thrown back from the Greatness of Bhagti back to the beginning as everything was lost during the fight with the demon in our  12th year.


We carried on with no questions, the Bhagti must continue. We would be continually pestered by lost souls, some wanted to befriend us, others wanted to use us, others wanted to make our life hell. They all shared one thing, all were lost in the idea of self, and that is why they remained wonderers of the plains.


We spoke to no one nor shared any interest in worldly education we regarded it as false, as God made all – then all worldly knowledge can shift with his Hukam.


As much as we thought we were avoiding worldly knowledge, we were still very much a practitioner of the worldly knowledge only now our focus had become to study world faiths, Hinduism, Bhuddism, Islam, Judaism, Jainism, Sufism, Yog (Oneness), Bhakti Movement etc etc – all these studies were a practice of worldly knowledge, as we had no experience of any Gyan behind the words. The focal point of such studying was to solve the puzzle of realizing Brahmgyan.


We would go to sikh rallies and conferences, they thrived on the anger of the youth and we was able to gift our vunerability to their cause. We would speak to the head men, as we was looking for recruits for people to fight against Tyranny, to lay their heads to resurrect the Sat Yug.


And every time we returned with heartache, we saw no Warriors, behind the wild beards and lion’s roar, we saw fakes- they came to play games and tell stories, they came to do nothing but boost there ego and brainwash the youth to do what they could never do- they were cowards.  They possessed fear, they possessed worldly thinking- they were deep in attachment, living in the greed of the wealthy life style. They were wasting time.


We found no warriors, now the plan had changed, if we was to do it, we was to do it alone. May our death be of Value.

But there was one Problem- once we begin they will question our actions- how could we justify our words of Truth Action when we have not completed the Journey. We had to achieve the Supreme.


We had never contacted nor even spoken a single word to a Sant) in our life until this Point. (except the 30 second conversation with the Sant in our Youth)


The Sant: We contacted her by phone; We requested the Darshan of Baba Nanak, she said she cannot help. She told us to go earn his Darshan– the purpose of Baba Nanaks Darshan was to gain advice on how to move forward.

So we went to her Sangat and sat in the back assessing everything to make sure she was the real deal. We was Rude and lacked Trust. Our mother insisted to come with us.


The Sant asked us before the Sangat what do you want. We replied: “God”, “then come and take his name”, we bowed at her feet, we felt the Supreme all around us, she was real, she was beyond us. She put her hand on our head and blessed us with Naam- Satnaam


Our mother was silent and scared- the Sant asked our mother what the problem is. Mother told how she did not want to lose her son to some foolish ideal. She tried to convince the Sant that we was too extreme to our beliefs.

The Sant continued, “ you are blessed to have him, one day you all will be bowing to him as he bows to me”.  The facial expressions of the Sangat changed immediately.


We looked at the Sant and found a bond, she understood us, she saw Truth in us.


As the Sangat left, she spoke to us in private, she was so calm and collected, she told us to take to Naam during Amrit Vela with a serious attitude, to make value of every second we have.


She even told her own story. She is a very old woman, but we could see there lurked a warrior heart within, we laughed, and said to ourself ‘I want to marry this women’, she read our thoughts and laughed.


Our mother was confused, and warned the Sant “once he leaves his body (through Gurparsaadi Blessings) we will not come back, you don’t know my son”. – This is the very problem with the modern day sangat, they fight what they cannot understand, and they will not seek to accept any Gyan unless it is thrown at there feet. But it doesn’t work like that, you have to earn the knowledge, you have to earn the understanding, you cannot live in Maya and accept to configure Brahmgyan.


I arrived a lost soul and left a Student of Truth.


On the first night she blessed us we took to deep simran. And we experienced our first vision. An Orb of White Light flew at great speed across the night sky. We saw someone behind us to realize our body was still on the bed, we continued watching from our window. Night had become day within the square mile of which the glow from the light would reach.


It stopped immediately at our window 100ft above us. We sensed it had a mind, it was alive, it was looking at us, it was reading us. And it then turned away and flew off, I shouted “NO!” We ran and jumped through the wall to chase it, to find our self in a space within space on the other side we could see the next Khand, we could only float without control, we prayed to return to the body and we awoke. The room was full of shimmering white, we glimpsed our first Vision of Truth.



We contacted the Sant, and she was surprised and began laughing. She said she gifts souls with Naam and they don’t see anything for years, “where you see it on the first night”. Her Message: Don’t stop just keep climbing.


We later received Darshan of Baba Nanak, we sat cross-legged facing each other in a white Marble Room, Sant Jarnail Singh Bhinderanwale stood behind him. Baba Nanak was a larger than life figure he was double in stature to us. He raised his right hand and said there are 13 points in the body (in pure English with the voice of a news presenter), we saw a network of Red lines running through his body, linking the 13 points, it was map of the Chakras from which the Infinite Power can flourish. The Darshan ended as soon as it began.


Later we reached Karam Khand, we met the Deity Lakshmi Matha. She was very friendly and was guarded by Warriors, even Lakhsman the famous warrior was there himself. We walked and talked speaking in the Old language of Sanskrit she said you are doing great, keep climbing, the path doesn’t end here.


Lakhsman tied a rope on to his sword and threw it to the next Khand, go and excel. We thanked them and climbed, as we was meters away from the surface of the next Khand, the rope broke free, and we fell in to space. (Bhagti had not derived the Gurparsaad to step foot on the next Khand)


We met Guru Nanak again, we sat opposite each other, but this time many Sants and Gurus had come, the room was overcrowded, they all sat staring at us- they were assessing our words- they knew we was an arrogant being, hence whatever was to be said would be interesting.


The whole conversation was spoken in Sanskrit: He began by asking us trick questions to why we hadn’t met God yet, and what was the need to meet God. We kept a serious face and re-worded his questions to make them rhyme the answer.


He laughed the most beautiful laugh, his smile was stunning and warm and said “Very Good, Very Good”, he was happy. We couldn’t help but smile within ourself- the Darshan Ended.


19 Years Old, 2 years passed, our idea of saving men from themselves remained. We could not begin the mission of Truth without the Gyan.


Our Supernatural Powers (Siddhi Shakti) came to an all time low (temporal power of false)- But Naam had taken over us.


Laying down on the sofa after a long day at University we was in deep sleep, and felt a presence of darkness walk into the room (mind had become very alert, even in sleep- a gift of Naam).


Eyes closed we watched the Demon walk around the room as we played dead. We remember thinking he better not- it was too late, we became completely paralysed, only our eyes had life, he grabbed us by our neck and head and put a pillow over our face pushing down, he was trying to kill us.

We held our breath and stayed calm, learning of our new friend (listening to our intuition to what he is, and where he has come from), we smiled as we reached closer to death. We felt heroic and strong and said Waheguru, he thought we had given up, he thought we was at the door of death, his gripped loosened a touch, and we roared tensing the body to break free of the Spell, we sprung up and hit him with the Roar of  “SATNAAAAM!!!!!”, we saw his true image, a black ghost, it was him, it was the one who came when we was younger. We roared at the air like a wild lion, something had sparked for us to growl in this way as our senses went insane.


He disappeared, the room was shaking, our adrenaline was pumping something very big had happened. Something very big had awoken, we could sense them, we could smell them, they were everywhere, demons from the Lower Worlds. They weren’t your average Ghosts, they were soldiers, and they were sent specifically to deal with us. They had come back to end us.


We had no idea what was going on, but our senses (inner intuition- Gyan) said “you climbed fast and now they have come to get you” (Karam).  An alarm had set off in our mind, we stopped to take deep consciousness, we concluded we are not smart enough.


We packed a few items and left to see our Uncle (as the Sant lived faraway), he has spiritual gifts and is our elder. We told him what happened, we went further and explained (the first time we told anyone) that we had any form of ability/shakti. He was impressed by our abilities and told us not to worry in a calm tone everything will be fine. It was late and he said we should sleep on it.


His family overheard our not so private conversation; they never looked at us in the same way again. That night during Amrit Vela, the dog began barking, the demon soldiers had come they ran across the roof into the house, our uncle sensed them including his wife, and they went to do Ardaas at the feet of Dhan Dhan Guru Granth Sahib Ji, as they did this a Demon came to watch the Ardaas taking place, and mimicked them word for word, it had no affect on the Demon. All this happened while we was asleep, it was the last time for several years that we got a nights sleep.


Our uncle asked us to leave the next day, his senses told him that we was also a demon. We read his eyes, it hurt but we accepted and left. He didn’t want any Dukhi coming to his family.


We felt like a demon at times.


As we travelled home, our mother had got word of what happened and contacted the Sant. The Sant spoke of Kali Matha and her Devotee Paro along with their army, they are doing this.


If you thought life was pretty bad for us, then you are a fool, for the gates of hell opened to our life.


Every night we would be paralyzed and then beaten, they would try 3,4,5 times to kill us every 24hrs, they were ever-present during the day- the air would become dark.


 Gifted by the Sant with the power of Naam we would call for huge rain of white light  (amrit) to fall in the room or area in which we stood (all from the power of repeating Satnaam from the greatest depths).


After an hour the White Light would fade, and the darkness would return to fight us again.


Our relations began to breakdown with the Sant overtime, we was already arguing with her for not gifting the Sangat direct Puran Sat, and now to add to the problems our petrified mother had gotten to her.


She told us not to pray so much, she told us many silly things. She would tell us one thing, and would tell someone else another. We have been gifted to read people from youth, we saw lies, we saw disrespect of Truth. We began avoiding the Sant as much as we could. She kept telling us “all you want are superpowers” (our mothers voice had come through her). We kept telling her No, we had the Superpower, we came to realize Truth so when the world turns against us, they will hopefully glimpse the Truth within us. That all we are doing is for their Sukhi.


We are no-one- we don’t seek any fame we are here for God, we will burn our face so we have no identity if need be, this Yug has become too wild, the devil wears the crown and none of you have the courage to face him.


Over the next 3 years we never experienced a nights rest, our brain had been weak since the age 12, our body was repeatedly battered, our mind was weak and yet we continued the bhagti.


It irritated the demons greatly, they would even argue with us, it became personal for them, but we did not care, we told them to give up and prophesized to them when we merge with the Truth we will return to destroy them.


These demons had individual minds, identities, there were thousands of them, they would call other demons (recognized warriors) from different lands to come and tackle us.


Once an open battle broke out in the middle of our street, thousands came in one go, our list of experiences does not end.


One day the Demons realized and accepted they could not beat us, and they came in a huge group and grabbed us, taking us back to the lower world. We fell from the sky and landed flat onto the road. The pain from the fall was real and very intense. We stood up and looked around, the natural air was very Dark (like a still fog), the Sky was a dark red, the street lamps only gifted a few square meters of light.


An intuition came to us, go to the last house on the street, and there you will get the power you seek – Hell had heard the arguments we had been having with the Sant.


We was very curious to our surroundings, in-front of us were many garbage cans, and there was a tramp sitting between them. She was watching us, her eyes glowed in the darkness. We walked calmly to the house, and stood outside. All we saw was Dark Magic, a witch doctor could be seen through the window, he seemed to be making some spell.


We turned away to leave to walk back down the street, we had seen enough, the woman sitting within the garbage cans, jumped up, she realized we was eager to leave. She ran toward us, her face was crooked, her hair was white and grey, her white dress was torn and dirty. She said ‘what are you doing, go back and get the power you deserve”, we ignored her and tried to walk further, but she blocked us, “where will you go Tanraj” we replied “wherever the wind takes me”, she looked at us as if we was an imbecile, ‘What wind?’, we raised our arms wide and the wind came and took us away, we turned around as we flew into the breeze, and looked at her, she was shocked, it was her world and she called for no wind, but the wind was issued. She realized she had to deal with us herself for our Bhagti was Truth (her power was greater than any demon in her army).


We passed this on to the Sant, she was surprised, she believed us but couldn’t understand. – we read her mind, she saw no power in us, so can’t we do anything. We saw she had truly become lost.


The following night we returned to hell, and was this time thrown into the mountains, we was at the bottom of a very deep gorge, she stood on top and Paro at her side.

We began climbing for we had no plan to stay.


Paro looked to his Master: where will he go?


Kali Matha: let’s see what he does.


As we climbed the finger tip size grabs, we was calling on the Satnaam to gift us an exit, a red door appeared in the rocks, and we punched it heavily, we stood at the door and looked back.


Paro showed perfect calm, but his mind was in shock, and Kali Matha smiled because she enjoyed the show.


The next night a huge beast came outside our home, at least 80ft in height and roared, it deafened us with its strong pitch, we called on the light of Sach Khand and it came like a missile, it was huge and fell from the Sky at great speed, it hit the ground, and the area was blasted with White light over many square miles. The beast screamed in pain so loud we had to cover our ears.


Our problems with the Sant continued, and we caught her out on a topic, her words were proven to go against her.  She went silent and had no response, we clarified to her that we are no longer to communicate, we walked away from her, to continue our Bhagti.


Kali Matha began sending us gifts: Our life is based around several ghettos, and offers came randomly to us to make large amounts of money, get any women, get anything. We declined and carried on the bhagti.


The next time we met her, we felt a huge power over us, and returned to the Lower Khand in peace, we was not thrown, we just appeared, our clothes were that of Royalty, our body was healthy, strong and muscular, our ailments had disappeared. We was standing in her palace, gold, white marble, the picture perfect palace, we knew exactly where we was, we had been there before, many slaves came running to us, “my Lord they request your presence at the Banquet in the Great Hall’, we walked to the Great Hall to find a great gathering, the best foods were on offer, but most were too busy enjoying the Sex Orgy. The room was surround by guards, while the deities priests, guests and sex slaves were practising their idea of fun. 


We stood calm, we was not affected in anyway. And then she came, carried on a Doali, by four large slaves, and Paro at her side, he wore his true image as her large warrior devotee. (they can shape shift to any form they want, rarely show their true image).


Everything in our mind awoke -a vision of the past, we remembered her, we remembered this palace, we remembered our Janam on this world. And it was spinning in our head. Our stare became cold and sharp, she dismounted the Doali and all bowed to her, she welcomed her guests with pressed hands.


All attention was to the Queen of the Court, she wore one of her 3 True images. (consider the most beautiful bollywood actress wearing a pink sari, and crown jewels)


She bowed to us, and said “My Lord, My King…welcome home, have anything you desire, everything is yours”, the court then bowed to us, we walked towards her, grabbed her by the neck and lifted her off the ground. 


“You did this, I hate you”, our tantrum was packed with emotion, we realized our relationship to this woman. Her second in command Paro did not know how to respond while all the guards looked to each other. If we could do this to Kali Matha none of them had a chance against us. (Naam had gifted such a Shakti)


We disappeared from her court, and returned to our body. We read her thoughts, “you will return home you will return home, you will return home”


We tried to live life, we had final exams, but she had her plans. She would throw cars in our direction, she would blind us when driving, she would push us down stairs, she put harm in our way, bring bad people in our direction, she would make the whole of her kingdom focus their energy to bring us to death.


These attacks drove us to the point of insanity, we didn’t know where to find sanctuary. We could not even recognize our own worldly mother, we would repeat the Naam whenever she would walk in the room (for if she was a spirit wearing our mothers image, then it would be burned with the Truth).


Our mother would cry, as we would touch her face to make sure she was real and not some dark-force. Nothing we can say or write can explain the extremes of the situation we went through.


Our mother wouldn’t even believe us, so we told her to sit with us and hold our hand, the spirits sensed the attachment of love from one being to other and paralysed our mother, and grabbed hold of her, she couldn’t breathe, we remained calm and said “we told you they was real, anyone we show affection for they will focus to kill, so we have killed off our affections”, on letting go of her hand, the Spirit left.



Many Spiritual people came running to us, saying we don’t know who you are but you carry so much weight, they said it is unheard of, they would try to help us out of kindness. But they would fail, and find themselves being destroyed they became very scared of us and left us to our problems.


We told them to follow God and live True. They thought we had not grasped the reality of the situation. But we were fully aware regardless all is derived from God and only God reigns supreme.


Our education went down the drain, everything was down the drain, but the Bhagti remained True.  We would be repeatedly slandered and betrayed by family, any new friend or associate. 


It was all Karam, but we endured it, so we could help the world. This is what a devotee of Truth can do for the world who slanders him.


One morning our senses picked up a scent, we laughed if we can smell her from here she must really smell bad. We didn’t want to see her, we never wanted to meet her, but the Karam was already written, all is his doing, we can do nothing, we just live the story and try to claim it.


The person we speak of us was a Girl whom we were to fall in love with (as they say). We didn’t know each other, but Karam made sure we crossed paths we even knew what her exact name would be. It was owed, it was justified, all is Hukam.


We did our best to avoid this person, they was unaware we existed but we had the Vision gifted to us (we had recognised our meeting long before), we was always aware of her.


Then finally we met (actually God threw her in front of us), I was already in love with her before our eyes even met, I was in love with her before I even took birth and it irritated us, Hell hadn’t left us and we had vowed to never look back for when the war with Maya takes us.


Hell will give her Dukhi, Hell will focus on her because we was so in love with her, we could never knowingly let something like that happen- we would rather die alone. But Hell recognized her immediately; it ruined her life, her education, her mind, it ruined everything.


We avoided her, but Karam wrote the story for us to speak. We shunned her away and even begged her to leave us, for she will only gift Dukhi, but she was adamant she could make our lives perfect. We already had so much Dukhi we prayed for no more.



We did not want it regardless of the Hearts contempt (but we are in control of nothing), she fell in love in with us and all we could do was try to avoid her. The first time we properly spoke, our words were: “You have already betrayed me” she had no idea what we was talking about (we saw what hell would do and it happened). Several months later she realized how far Naam had gifted us Vision. 


We gave her Naam, but she didn’t take advantage of it, we knew she never would (at this moment in life).


Kali Matha threw Maya at her feet and the Girl married it, she wasn’t the person she once was. She realized her faults in the past and begged forgiveness, we immediately told her she was forgiven. And then we concluded, “you will betray us again”. She did everything to prove us wrong, and pursued to be with us for the years to come, randomly appearing then disappearing from our life, until one day we clarified we had no future together.


We had no one but his Name, and that was enough for us.